People become defensive when given unsolicited advice. To create an opening for constructive criticism, first ask the other person for feedback on your own performance. This act of vulnerability establishes trust and often triggers a natural social tendency for them to reciprocate, making them more receptive to your feedback in return.

A three-step structure for feedback: state a neutral observation ("What"), explain its impact ("So What"), and suggest a collaborative next step ("Now What"). This focuses on the work, not the person, making the feedback more likely to be received well and acted upon.

Direct questions in sales or leadership can feel confrontational. Prefacing them with 'I'm curious...' completely changes the dynamic from an interrogation to a collaborative effort to understand. This simple linguistic shift builds trust, encourages openness, and turns transactions into lasting relationships.

To help your team overcome their own performance blockers, shift your coaching from their actions to their thinking. Ask questions like, "What were you thinking that led you to that approach?" This helps them uncover the root belief driving their behavior, enabling more profound and lasting change than simple behavioral correction.

Transactional questions get transactional answers. A "story-worthy" question, like "Tell me about the moment you first sensed trouble with your supplier?", prompts a narrative. This approach extracts the emotion, context, and deeper story behind an issue, leading to more authentic connection and insight.

When giving feedback, structure it in three parts. "What" is the specific observation. "So what" explains its impact on you or the situation. "Now what" provides a clear, forward-looking suggestion for change. This framework ensures feedback is understood and actionable.

People are more receptive to feedback when they feel seen. By first acknowledging their perspective and reality ('connecting'), you build a bridge that makes them willing to cooperate and change their behavior, rather than becoming defensive.

Instead of offering unsolicited advice, first ask for permission. Frame the feedback around a shared goal (e.g., "I know you want to be the best leader possible") and then ask, "I spotted something that's getting in the way. Could I tell you about it?" This approach makes the recipient far more willing to listen and act.

The framing of your request dictates the response you receive. Asking for 'feedback' puts someone in the mindset of a critic, inviting judgment. Asking for 'advice,' however, reframes them as a collaborative partner, making them an ally invested in your success.