Research highlights a significant bias in promotion decisions. Men are often judged on their perceived capabilities two years in the future, allowing for deficits. In contrast, women are typically evaluated strictly against their current skill set, penalizing them for not already possessing every requirement of the role.
Leadership is inherently isolating because you lack true peers. However, loneliness is an emotional response you can control. Combat it not by trying to befriend direct reports, but by building authentic connections, showing vulnerability, and contextually ceding the leadership role to subject matter experts on your team.
Don't conflate confidence with self-assurance, which is the *accurate* assessment of one's skills. Many top performers downplay their expertise out of a false sense of humility. This incongruence can be misinterpreted by others as manipulation, confusion, or a risky inability to self-assess.
Moving from a technical expert to a leader is jarring because the skills that made you successful are no longer the priority. This shift from valuing your own output to enabling others' expertise often creates a profound, temporary sense of incompetence that few adults enjoy or are prepared for.
The inability to recall the perfect anecdote or fact in a high-pressure situation is not a memory failure. It is a mental "clench" that blocks the flow of information from your "library of experiences." The solution is counterintuitive: relax through focused breathing to unconstrict the mental funnel, allowing ideas to surface naturally.
Leaders who claim they "can't wrap their head around" topics like mental health or DEI are choosing their ignorance. Their mastery of complex technologies like smartphones proves they can learn what they prioritize. This selective learning reveals their true values and has negative implications for their teams and culture.
Psychologist Tasha Yurik's research shows 95% of people believe they're self-aware, yet only 10-15% actually are. This massive gap between self-perception and reality is where professional friction and miscommunication originate, as leaders are blind to their true impact on others.
Instead of offering unsolicited advice, first ask for permission. Frame the feedback around a shared goal (e.g., "I know you want to be the best leader possible") and then ask, "I spotted something that's getting in the way. Could I tell you about it?" This approach makes the recipient far more willing to listen and act.