People are more receptive to feedback when they feel seen. By first acknowledging their perspective and reality ('connecting'), you build a bridge that makes them willing to cooperate and change their behavior, rather than becoming defensive.
View poor performance or difficult behavior as a manifestation of 'feelings overpowering skills,' rather than a conscious bad choice. This transforms a leader's role from a disciplinarian to a coach focused on teaching the missing skills to manage the situation.
Many adult workplace behaviors—possessiveness, needing attention, irrational upsets—mirror those of toddlers. Understanding this parallel helps leaders manage teams more effectively by addressing underlying unmet needs rather than just reacting to the behavior.
The strength of a team's trust isn't defined by avoiding mistakes, but by a leader's willingness to go back, take responsibility, and "repair" after a conflict. This builds more security than striving for perfect, error-free leadership.
Instead of assuming negative intent behind someone's poor behavior, actively formulate the 'Most Generous Interpretation' (MGI). This mental shift helps you see them as a collaborator, not an adversary, leading to more constructive and effective solutions.
To effectively support a struggling employee, use a two-part approach. First, validate their difficulty ('I believe you, this is hard'). Then, express confidence in their ability to overcome it ('and I believe in you'). This provides both empathy and empowerment.
Frame difficult conversations by separating the problematic behavior (e.g., being late) from the person's identity (e.g., being lazy). This 'good person who is struggling with X' approach prevents defensiveness and allows for a productive discussion about the issue.
Effective leaders are 'sturdy,' like a calm pilot in turbulence. They validate their team's emotional experience ('I hear you're scared') while remaining grounded and confident in their own ability to navigate the situation ('but I know what I'm doing').
Constantly shielding your team from discomfort to optimize for short-term happiness ultimately builds anxiety and fragility. True resilience comes from a culture where people can face hard things, supported by leadership, and learn to cope with disappointment.
Team members feel more secure with a leader they can 'locate'—someone with a clear point of view and conviction, even if they disagree. Constant consensus-seeking on leadership-level decisions can create more anxiety than a decisive, well-communicated choice.
A true boundary isn't a request that relies on another's compliance. It is a clear statement of an action you will take yourself. This framework gives you control over the situation and removes your dependency on the other person's cooperation.
Before intervening in someone's work, clearly state your positive intention. For example, 'I want to review this now so you can have more autonomy later.' This frames your action as helpful rather than controlling, disarming potential resistance.