Instead of viewing emotional triggers as mere overreactions, psychotherapist Todd Barrett reframes them as potent reminders of unresolved wounds. When approached with curiosity, these moments can become "corrective emotional experiences" that challenge old patterns and rewire the brain for healthier attachments within an adult relationship.

The popular notion of "moving on" from trauma is a myth that suggests you can leave the past behind. A more realistic and healthier approach is to "move forward with it," integrating the experience into your identity. This acknowledges the permanent impact of the event while still allowing for growth and rebuilding.

Couples often won't change unless they're in a crisis because comfort breeds inertia. A counterintuitive therapeutic technique is to intentionally apply pressure to "put them in crisis," forcing the couple out of their comfort zone to confront issues and make necessary changes.

People cite specific events like affairs or fights as the reason for divorce. However, the root cause is a gradual loss of the shared story and purpose that once united them. The triggering event is merely the final chapter, not the whole story of the decline.

During a shared trauma, couples often fail to communicate, leading to resentment. The solution isn't to pretend everything is okay, but to have the courage to state the problem bluntly (e.g., "This is a disaster... I don't like you right now"). This directness breaks the stalemate and forces open communication.

A couple separated for three years after 35 years of marriage. This time apart allowed them to grow individually and escape a cycle of conflict. When they reunited, they could appreciate each other's core qualities again, leading to their best decade together. A long separation can sometimes save, not end, a relationship.

Most couples view therapy as a last resort. A more effective approach is to engage in it proactively at the beginning of a relationship to establish tools for clear communication and ensure value alignment, preparing the couple to handle future challenges constructively.

Recovery from a life-altering event isn't about returning to your old self; that self no longer exists. True healing is a creative process of discovering who you are now. It requires imagination to invent new habits, goals, and rituals that fit your new reality, rather than trying to salvage old ones.

Conflict avoidance is not a sign of a healthy relationship. True intimacy is built through cycles of 'rupture and repair,' where disagreements are used as opportunities for deeper understanding. A relationship without conflict may be fragile, as its ability to repair has never been tested.