The popular notion of "moving on" from trauma is a myth that suggests you can leave the past behind. A more realistic and healthier approach is to "move forward with it," integrating the experience into your identity. This acknowledges the permanent impact of the event while still allowing for growth and rebuilding.
Instead of ignoring or obsessing over a source of anxiety, address it only when necessary. Live the rest of your life as if the problem doesn't exist. This "strategic compartmentalizing" preserves mental energy for daily life, preventing the stress of uncertainty from becoming all-consuming.
When faced with imperfect choices, treat the decision like a standardized test question: gather the best available information and choose the option you believe is the *most* correct, even if it's not perfect. This mindset accepts ambiguity and focuses on making the best possible choice in the moment.
During a shared trauma, couples often fail to communicate, leading to resentment. The solution isn't to pretend everything is okay, but to have the courage to state the problem bluntly (e.g., "This is a disaster... I don't like you right now"). This directness breaks the stalemate and forces open communication.
We experience every event three times: in anticipation, in the actual moment, and in memory. The key to managing anxiety about the future and regret about the past is to keep these three "trips" distinct. This framework encourages being fully present in the current moment, which is the only one you control.
Recovery from a life-altering event isn't about returning to your old self; that self no longer exists. True healing is a creative process of discovering who you are now. It requires imagination to invent new habits, goals, and rituals that fit your new reality, rather than trying to salvage old ones.