Despite its complexities, a successful marriage's foundation is simple: each partner consistently feels they are the other's favorite person. This core sentiment, when genuinely maintained, provides the warmth and motivation to navigate inevitable challenges.

People cite specific events like affairs or fights as the reason for divorce. However, the root cause is a gradual loss of the shared story and purpose that once united them. The triggering event is merely the final chapter, not the whole story of the decline.

Couples make two fatal, opposing assumptions. First, that marriage will fix a partner's existing flaws. Second, that the person they marry will not fundamentally change over decades. A successful marriage requires accepting current flaws while preparing to grow alongside an evolving partner.

People mistakenly believe marriage will either change their partner for the better (fixing flaws) or prevent their partner from ever changing (preserving the current dynamic). Both assumptions are flawed and set the relationship up for failure.

Contrary to common advice, high expectations aren't inherently bad for marriage. They create a bifurcation: couples who invest enough to meet these expectations achieve unprecedented levels of fulfillment, while those who can't are often unhappier than couples from past eras with lower expectations.

Beyond happiness or stability, a partnership's ultimate goal should be to help each other become the most authentic versions of themselves. This requires an intimacy where you can see your partner's blind spots and provide feedback that fosters genuine self-discovery and growth.

A couple separated for three years after 35 years of marriage. This time apart allowed them to grow individually and escape a cycle of conflict. When they reunited, they could appreciate each other's core qualities again, leading to their best decade together. A long separation can sometimes save, not end, a relationship.

By internalizing that every relationship is temporary and will end, you see its true preciousness. This perspective shift, from entitlement to gratitude, encourages you to savor moments and prioritize connection, ultimately making the relationship stronger and more resilient. Love is loaned, not owned.

Rainn Wilson attributes his long-lasting marriage's success to viewing it as a shared spiritual journey. Instead of focusing on circumstances, he and his wife support each other's individual growth through all of life's phases, including the pressures of fame.