When people don't understand your point, it's often a sign that you are not meeting them where they are. Instead of pushing forward impatiently, you must go back to their starting point, re-establish shared assumptions, or reframe the message from their perspective.
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The foundation of clear communication isn't eloquence but active listening. The goal is to understand the other person's perspective before formulating a response, which also helps prevent reactive, stress-induced replies and makes others feel heard.
Bupa's Head of Product Teresa Wang requires her team to explain their work and its value to non-technical people within three minutes. This forces clarity, brevity, and a focus on the 'why' and 'so what' rather than the technical 'how,' ensuring stakeholders immediately grasp the concept and its importance.
People engage in three types of conversations: practical (problem-solving), emotional (empathy), or social (identity). When participants are in different modes—like one offering solutions when the other wants validation—the connection fails. Recognizing and aligning these modes is key to effective communication.
In disagreements, the objective isn't to prove the other person wrong or "win" the argument. The true goal is to achieve mutual understanding. This fundamental shift in perspective transforms a confrontational dynamic into a collaborative one, making difficult conversations more productive.
True connection requires humility. Instead of trying to imagine another's viewpoint ("perspective taking"), a more effective approach is to actively seek it out through questions and tentative statements ("perspective getting"). This avoids misreads and shows genuine interest.
Genuine rapport isn't built on small talk; it's built by recognizing and addressing the other person's immediate emotional state. To connect, you must first help them with what's on their mind before introducing your own agenda.
Sellers often adopt an overly formal, academic persona when speaking to executives, which creates distance. In reality, executive conversations are simple, direct, and unpretentious. Drop the jargon and complicated words. Your goal is clear communication, not demonstrating your vocabulary.
The "looping" technique—repeating what you heard and asking "Did I get that right?"—is effective in conflicts even if your interpretation is incorrect. The act of trying to understand and giving them power to correct you demonstrates genuine intent, making the other person feel heard and reducing defensiveness.
Gaining genuine team alignment is more complex than getting a superficial agreement. It involves actively surfacing unspoken assumptions and hidden contexts to ensure that when the team agrees, they are all agreeing to the same, fully understood plan.
When meeting an influential person with opposing views, effectiveness trumps the need to be 'right.' The best strategy is to suppress personal indignation and identify a shared interest. Propose a policy or idea within that common ground that they might be receptive to and champion as their own.
