In disagreements, the objective isn't to prove the other person wrong or "win" the argument. The true goal is to achieve mutual understanding. This fundamental shift in perspective transforms a confrontational dynamic into a collaborative one, making difficult conversations more productive.
The Nonviolent Communication framework (Observations, Feelings, Needs, Request) provides a script for difficult conversations. It structures your communication to focus on objective facts and your personal emotional experience, rather than blaming the other person. This approach minimizes defensiveness and fosters empathy.
Many leaders, particularly in technical fields, mistakenly believe their role is to provide all the answers. This approach disempowers teams and creates a bottleneck. Shifting from advising to coaching unlocks a team's problem-solving potential and allows leaders to scale their impact.
Don't let the cofounder dynamic run on autopilot. Proactively establish "vows"—commitments on decision-making and conflict resolution. Then, create a regular relationship rhythm for check-ins. This practice of stepping "onto the balcony" to observe the relationship is crucial for long-term health and success.
Use the GROW model (Goal, Reality, Options, Way Forward) to structure coaching conversations. This simple set of question categories helps leaders guide their team members to find their own solutions, fostering independence and critical thinking without the leader needing to provide the answer directly.
To clarify difficult talent decisions, ask yourself: "Would I enthusiastically rehire this person for this same role today?" This binary question, used at Stripe, bypasses emotional ambiguity and provides a clear signal. A "no" doesn't mean immediate termination, but it mandates that some corrective action must be taken.
For two weeks, nightly log the five activities that energized you and the five that drained you. This simple practice reveals your core strengths and "gifts." By analyzing these patterns, you can intentionally redesign your role and responsibilities to spend more time on energizing tasks, actively combating burnout.
Employees often feel frustrated when their manager doesn't make their job more interesting or proactively manage their career path. This is a flawed expectation. A manager's primary role is to ensure performance in the current job; you are the sole owner of your long-term career navigation and growth.
Combat strategic complexity by creating a one-page plan. This document connects your highest-level vision and values to tactical quarterly goals in a clear cascade (Vision -> Strategy/KPIs -> Annual Goals -> Quarterly Goals). This simple, accessible artifact ensures universal alignment and clarity on how individual work ladders up.