The fundamental difference lies in focus. A manager wants the work to be great, but a leader wants the people to be great, knowing this is the sustainable path to excellent work. Leaders prioritize their team over immediate results, fostering loyalty and consistent high performance by aiming to change their people's lives for the better.

Effective leaders are 'sturdy,' like a calm pilot in turbulence. They validate their team's emotional experience ('I hear you're scared') while remaining grounded and confident in their own ability to navigate the situation ('but I know what I'm doing').

To push people to their growth edge, leaders must use a specific sequence: support, then challenge. Support involves genuinely understanding and caring for the individual. Only after this foundation is built can a leader effectively challenge them. Reversing the order makes the challenge feel like a threat, not an opportunity.

The most effective people are not those who shut down feelings to be productive. They are individuals who can maintain clarity and compassion, direction and depth. This new frontier of performance is about having a coherent, steady nervous system that can stay human under pressure, not just exercising brute-force control.

Achieving extraordinary results requires extraordinary, often exhausting, effort. If your team ever finds themselves in their comfort zone at work, they are making a mistake. This high-intensity environment is easier to maintain when the company is clearly winning, providing leadership with "air cover" to demand more.

Effective leadership isn't about one fixed style. It’s about accurately reading a situation and adapting your approach—whether to be directive, empathetic, or demanding. Great leaders know that leading senior executives requires a different approach than managing new graduates.

Constantly shielding your team from discomfort to optimize for short-term happiness ultimately builds anxiety and fragility. True resilience comes from a culture where people can face hard things, supported by leadership, and learn to cope with disappointment.

A common pitfall for new managers is seeking validation by being liked. A great leader's role is to provide constructive challenges and uncomfortable feedback, which fosters genuine growth and ultimately earns the team's gratitude and respect.

Before labeling a team as not resilient, leaders should first examine their own expectations. Often, what appears as a lack of resilience is a natural reaction to systemic issues like overwork, underpayment, and inadequate support, making it a leadership problem, not an employee one.