A common pitfall for new managers is seeking validation by being liked. A great leader's role is to provide constructive challenges and uncomfortable feedback, which fosters genuine growth and ultimately earns the team's gratitude and respect.
Related Insights
Feedback often fails because its motivation is selfish (e.g., 'I want to be right,' 'I want to vent'). It only lands effectively when the giver's genuine intention is to help the other person become who *they* want to be. This caring mindset dictates the delivery and reception.
Most managers fail at feedback by avoiding conflict. A better framework combines three elements: toughness (directly confronting the problem), kindness (offering support to improve), and clarity (defining specific actions and the potential positive outcome).
The most selfish thing a leader can do is withhold feedback because giving it would be uncomfortable. In that moment, you are optimizing for your own comfort at the expense of your colleague's growth. High-performance teams require radical candor, which is fundamentally an unselfish act.
Effective leadership prioritizes people development ('who you impact') over task completion ('what you do'). This philosophy frames a leader's primary role as a mentor and coach who empowers their team to grow. This focus on human impact is more fulfilling and ultimately drives superior business outcomes through a confident, motivated team.
New leaders must transition from being the expert to being a coach. This involves letting your team struggle and even fail. Ask open-ended questions like, "When have you faced something similar before?" to build their problem-solving skills instead of simply giving them the solution.
To prevent defensiveness when giving critical feedback, managers should explicitly state their positive intent. Saying "I'm giving this because I care about you and your career" shifts the focus from a personal attack to a supportive act of leadership aimed at helping them grow.
Citing a story where Martin Luther King Jr. reprimanded an advisor for not challenging him enough, the insight is that top leaders must actively cultivate dissent. They must create an environment where their team feels obligated to point out when an idea is "crazy" to prevent the organization from making catastrophic errors.
To get truthful feedback, leaders should criticize their own ideas first. By openly pointing out a flaw in their plan (the "ugly baby"), they signal that criticism is safe and desired, preventing subordinates from just offering praise out of fear or deference.
Most employees avoid giving leaders negative feedback for fear of repercussions. However, a leader's ability to improve is directly tied to their willingness to accept the 'emotional hit' of criticism. The team member who provides unvarnished truth is therefore the most critical for achieving long-term goals.
Many leaders are candid in broad strokes but fail to have direct, difficult conversations with individuals they personally like. This avoidance stems from a desire not to hurt feelings but inevitably leads to underperformance and greater problems down the line.
