The most crucial communication advice is to 'connect, then lead.' Before guiding an audience to a new understanding or action, you must first establish a connection by tapping into what they care about and making your message relatable. Connection is a prerequisite for leadership and influence, not an optional extra.

Influence is nudging someone in a direction beneficial for both parties and is built on honesty. Manipulation benefits only you and relies on deception or lying. Lying is the shortcut that crosses the line from ethical influence to manipulation.

Effective leadership prioritizes people development ('who you impact') over task completion ('what you do'). This philosophy frames a leader's primary role as a mentor and coach who empowers their team to grow. This focus on human impact is more fulfilling and ultimately drives superior business outcomes through a confident, motivated team.

To build a loyal and effective team, leaders should constantly make "deposits"—helping employees advance, improve, and do their jobs. This builds goodwill, so when a leader needs to make a "withdrawal" by asking for something, the team is happy to oblige. This applies to customers, employees, and government stakeholders alike.

The key difference between effective and manipulative communication lies in what is altered. Leaders adapt the vocabulary and emphasis for their audience (delivery), while manipulators change the underlying facts and narrative (message), destroying trust.

Stanford's famous "Interpersonal Dynamics" course teaches a counterintuitive leadership principle: sharing personal vulnerabilities and imperfections doesn't weaken a leader's position. Instead, it builds trust and fosters stronger connections, shifting relationships from a mystery to something one can actively shape through authentic behavior.

When meeting with senior leaders, shift the focus from your status updates to their priorities. Ask what's top of mind for them, what challenges they face, and how you can help. This reframes you from a direct report into a strategic ally, building trust and social capital.

There are no universal leadership traits; successful leaders can be introverts, extroverts, planners, or chaotic. What they share is the ability to make others feel that following them will lead to a better tomorrow. This emotional response is what creates followers, not a specific checklist of skills.

Building influence requires a strategic approach. Actively survey your professional relationships, identify where you lack connections with stakeholders, and methodically invest time in building alliances with leaders who can advocate for your ideas when you're not in the room.