If you're consistently the most capable person in your friend group, others assume you have everything handled and won't offer help. This paradox means the strongest individuals must be the most explicit in asking for support, as their competence masks their vulnerability and deters proactive assistance from their network.

To avoid appearing incompetent, frame conversations with your manager around validation, not direction-seeking. Present your understanding of the goal, your proposed plan, and your key assumptions. This demonstrates proactivity and critical thinking while still inviting feedback.

Howard Marks argues that declaring uncertainty is a sign of strength, not weakness. In important settings, saying "I don't know" signals that your ego is in check and thinking is robust. It makes people trust you more, not less, because it shows intellectual humility.

True connection requires humility. Instead of trying to imagine another's viewpoint ("perspective taking"), a more effective approach is to actively seek it out through questions and tentative statements ("perspective getting"). This avoids misreads and shows genuine interest.

There are two types of help-seeking. "Dependent" help just solves the immediate problem. "Autonomous" help focuses on learning how to solve the problem yourself next time. To develop your team's skills and self-reliance, frame requests and provide assistance in a way that prioritizes learning the process, not just getting the answer.

The generic offer "let me know if I can help" rarely gets a response. Asking "What does support look like right now?" is a more effective, direct question. It gently shifts the burden to the other person to define their needs, making them more likely to accept help and reducing resentment.

People often believe they are being curious when they aren't outwardly expressing it. Research by decision scientist Julia Minson shows that simply adding phrases like "I would love to understand your point of view" to your argument massively improves how reasonable others perceive you to be.

Instead of offering unsolicited advice, first ask for permission. Frame the feedback around a shared goal (e.g., "I know you want to be the best leader possible") and then ask, "I spotted something that's getting in the way. Could I tell you about it?" This approach makes the recipient far more willing to listen and act.

The framing of your request dictates the response you receive. Asking for 'feedback' puts someone in the mindset of a critic, inviting judgment. Asking for 'advice,' however, reframes them as a collaborative partner, making them an ally invested in your success.