Contrary to career-first advice, Howard Lerman advocates for marrying young. This allows a couple to grow together and adapt to the demanding founder lifestyle as it develops. The partner is part of the entire metamorphosis, fostering a deeper understanding than if they met the founder post-transformation.

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Co-founding a business is often harder than a marriage, yet receives far less diligence. The probability of two individuals maintaining perfect alignment on effort, finances, and vision over many years is incredibly low, making solo ventures statistically safer.

Deep connection relies on a shared “fun age”—a mutual understanding of what constitutes play and enjoyment. Whether it’s childlike pranks or quiet domesticity, having compatible fun ages allows partners to cultivate both levity and gravity, which is essential for long-term relational health.

Founders must accept a lifestyle that excludes most social activities. The intense, shared mission of building a company fosters deep connections with colleagues that supplant traditional friendships. This sacrifice is a prerequisite for high-commitment entrepreneurship.

Data shows high-status men practice assortative mating, pairing with women of similar educational and economic standing. The "rich man marries the young, beautiful waitress" trope is a myth; successful men value partners they can relate to intellectually and who understand their world.

Humans derive more satisfaction from progress and growth than from a static state of being. The journey of building wealth—the striving, learning, and overcoming challenges, especially with a partner—is often more rewarding and memorable than the destination of simply possessing wealth.

A key expectation in modern relationships is the "Michelangelo effect," where individuals look to their partners to act as sculptors, helping to "unleash" the ideal, aspirational version of themselves. This dynamic shifts the focus of a relationship from mere companionship to active personal growth facilitation.

Don't let the cofounder dynamic run on autopilot. Proactively establish "vows"—commitments on decision-making and conflict resolution. Then, create a regular relationship rhythm for check-ins. This practice of stepping "onto the balcony" to observe the relationship is crucial for long-term health and success.

High achievers often apply immense rigor to their companies while neglecting their personal lives. To avoid this imbalance, treat your life like a business by implementing formal processes like quarterly reviews for relationships and personal goals, ensuring they receive the purposeful investment they need to thrive.

There is no universal standard for "balance." Instead of chasing a perfect equilibrium, entrepreneurs should communicate openly with partners about fluctuating work demands. Some weeks will be intense, while others can be dedicated to relationships. The key is intentionality and communication, not a static, mythical state.

Bumble's founder believes the initial, all-consuming obsession is critical for getting a startup off the ground. However, this same intensity becomes a liability as the company matures. Leaders must evolve and create distance to gain the perspective needed for long-term growth and to avoid stifling opportunity.