Standard check-in questions like 'How are you?' elicit superficial, socially ingrained answers ('Fine'). To get a deeper, more reflective response, ask the employee to rate how they are on a 1-to-10 scale. This prompts more thought and provides a concrete number to explore further ('Why a 6 today?').
Related Insights
To move beyond status updates in one-on-one meetings, managers should open up about their own challenges. Asking a team member for their perspective on a decision the manager is making fosters trust, shows respect, and can uncover valuable insights you hadn't considered.
Direct questions in sales or leadership can feel confrontational. Prefacing them with 'I'm curious...' completely changes the dynamic from an interrogation to a collaborative effort to understand. This simple linguistic shift builds trust, encourages openness, and turns transactions into lasting relationships.
When an employee rates their job satisfaction as a 3 out of 10, asking 'Why so high?' disrupts their negative thought pattern. It forces them to acknowledge what's working, even if minimal. This shifts the conversation from complaining to identifying positive elements to build upon.
Transactional questions get transactional answers. A "story-worthy" question, like "Tell me about the moment you first sensed trouble with your supplier?", prompts a narrative. This approach extracts the emotion, context, and deeper story behind an issue, leading to more authentic connection and insight.
Instead of presuming an employee is always available, managers should formally ask for a moment of their time (“Is now a good time to chat?"). This simple reframing treats the conversation as an appointment, sending a powerful signal that the manager respects the employee's focus and workload.
Standard engagement surveys fail because employees fear answering direct questions about job satisfaction or retention honestly. A more effective approach is to use a proxy question like, "How seen and heard do you feel by your immediate supervisor?" which provides a safer space for truthful responses.
The generic offer "let me know if I can help" rarely gets a response. Asking "What does support look like right now?" is a more effective, direct question. It gently shifts the burden to the other person to define their needs, making them more likely to accept help and reducing resentment.
Managers are often so agenda-driven they simply wait for a pause to speak, rather than truly listening. Asking a simple question like "Is there more?" after an employee shares something signals genuine curiosity, invites deeper sharing, and makes the employee feel genuinely heard and valued.
Instead of offering unsolicited advice, first ask for permission. Frame the feedback around a shared goal (e.g., "I know you want to be the best leader possible") and then ask, "I spotted something that's getting in the way. Could I tell you about it?" This approach makes the recipient far more willing to listen and act.
The phrase "Can I give you feedback?" triggers a threat response. Neuroleadership research shows that flipping the script—having leaders proactively *ask* for feedback—reduces the associated stress by 50% for both parties. This simple tweak fosters a culture of psychological safety and continuous improvement.
