In intimate relationships, arguing over objective facts is a recipe for disaster. According to therapist Terry Real, "objective reality has no place in intimate relationships." Trying to prove your point with logic ignores your partner's emotional experience and only escalates conflict. Focus on feelings, not facts.

Counterintuitively, relationships thrive when partners feel seen for who they truly are, including their struggles. Acknowledging a partner's self-doubt is more bonding than showering them with praise because it confirms they are loved for their authentic self, not an idealized version.

Couples make two fatal, opposing assumptions. First, that marriage will fix a partner's existing flaws. Second, that the person they marry will not fundamentally change over decades. A successful marriage requires accepting current flaws while preparing to grow alongside an evolving partner.

Failing to clearly communicate your needs and expectations to your partner is not a passive act; it actively sets them up to fail. By holding unspoken standards, you are essentially planning to feel resentful when your partner, who cannot read your mind, inevitably fails to meet them.

When smart partners think the other is an idiot, it's often due to a 'base assumption collision.' Each person operates on a different fundamental, unspoken belief about reality ('the world is X'). Identifying and discussing these hidden assumptions is key to resolving otherwise intractable conflicts.

Research shows you can accurately guess a stranger's thoughts 20% of the time, a friend's 30%, and a romantic partner's just 40%. In emotional conversations, this plummets to 15%. This data proves why you must ask questions instead of assuming.

Strong initial chemistry is often mistaken for genuine compatibility, leading people to commit prematurely. The subsequent attempt to change a partner to fit a preconceived vision inevitably breeds resentment and conflict when values are discovered to be misaligned.

A key source of conflict is the implicit belief that partners should just know how we feel without being told. This leads to disappointment when they inevitably fail, causing resentment and stonewalling. Acknowledging this tendency is the first step to fixing it.

We are culturally conditioned to fear saying "Too Much Information" (TMI). However, research shows the more significant issue is "Too Little Information" (TLI), where silence and holding back cause relationships to wither from a lack of connection and understanding.