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Leaders often confuse being nice with being kind. Niceness can mean avoiding conflict, such as keeping a poor performer. Kindness is doing what's right for the individual and the company, even if it's uncomfortable, like letting that person go.
The biggest professional and personal problems often stem from a lack of candor. Withholding honest feedback to "keep the peace" is a destructive act that enables bad behavior and builds personal resentment over time. Delivering the truth, even when difficult, is a gift that addresses problems head-on and prevents future failure.
For leaders who are natural empaths, a key growth area is learning to separate deep personal care for team members from the objective needs of the business. This includes recognizing that letting someone go can be the most loving and correct decision for the individual, the team, and the company.
True kindness in leadership isn't about avoiding confrontation. According to Figma's CEO, it's a leader's duty to provide direct, even difficult, feedback. Withholding critical information is ultimately unkind because it lets problems escalate, harming the individual and the team in the long run.
Being a "nice" boss often means pleasing the majority and avoiding conflict. True kindness in leadership involves toughness—holding high standards and having difficult conversations because you have your team's best interests at heart. Kindness is about betterment, not just being liked.
A leader's failure to deliver difficult feedback, even with good intentions, doesn't protect employees. It fosters entitlement in the underperformer and resentment in the leader, leading to a toxic dynamic and an inevitable, messy separation. True kindness is direct, constructive feedback.
True kindness in a leader is not about avoiding confrontation to be 'nice.' Dylan Field argues it's a leader's duty to deliver direct, even hard, feedback. Withholding it is fundamentally unkind because it lets issues fester, ultimately causing more harm to the individual and the team.
Leaders often avoid direct communication thinking they are being kind, but this creates confusion that costs time, energy, and millions of dollars. True kindness in leadership is delivering a clear, direct message, even if it feels confrontational, as it eliminates costly ambiguity and aligns teams faster.
Daniel Lubetzky argues that niceness (politeness) can be detrimental in the workplace as it avoids necessary, difficult feedback. True kindness requires the strength to be honest and provide constructive criticism that helps colleagues and the organization grow, even if it's uncomfortable.
Society teaches us to be 'nice,' which often means avoiding conflict and telling people what they want to hear. True connection, however, requires kindness. A kind person cares enough about the relationship to say the hard truth, choosing what is real over what is merely pleasant.
Keeping an underperforming employee out of a sense of kindness is a mistake; it hurts A-players and creates entitlement. True kindness involves direct, ongoing feedback ('kind candor') and, if necessary, firing them with a generous severance package.