A leader's desire to be liked can lead to a lack of candor, which is ultimately cruel. Avoiding difficult feedback allows underperformance to fester and makes an eventual firing a shocking surprise. This damages trust more than direct, consistent, and tough conversations would have.

Most managers fail at feedback by avoiding conflict. A better framework combines three elements: toughness (directly confronting the problem), kindness (offering support to improve), and clarity (defining specific actions and the potential positive outcome).

Kindness and candor are not opposites. When leaders establish a culture of kindness, employees trust that direct, constructive feedback comes from a place of positive intent. This trust makes difficult conversations more effective and better received, as it's seen as an act of care.

The most selfish thing a leader can do is withhold feedback because giving it would be uncomfortable. In that moment, you are optimizing for your own comfort at the expense of your colleague's growth. High-performance teams require radical candor, which is fundamentally an unselfish act.

A leader's failure to deliver difficult feedback, even with good intentions, doesn't protect employees. It fosters entitlement in the underperformer and resentment in the leader, leading to a toxic dynamic and an inevitable, messy separation. True kindness is direct, constructive feedback.

If a decision has universal agreement, a leader isn't adding value because the group would have reached that conclusion anyway. True leadership is demonstrated when you make a difficult, unpopular choice that others would not, guiding the organization through necessary but painful steps.

True kindness in a leader is not about avoiding confrontation to be 'nice.' Dylan Field argues it's a leader's duty to deliver direct, even hard, feedback. Withholding it is fundamentally unkind because it lets issues fester, ultimately causing more harm to the individual and the team.

A common pitfall for new managers is seeking validation by being liked. A great leader's role is to provide constructive challenges and uncomfortable feedback, which fosters genuine growth and ultimately earns the team's gratitude and respect.

Daniel Lubetzky argues that niceness (politeness) can be detrimental in the workplace as it avoids necessary, difficult feedback. True kindness requires the strength to be honest and provide constructive criticism that helps colleagues and the organization grow, even if it's uncomfortable.