The biggest professional and personal problems often stem from a lack of candor. Withholding honest feedback to "keep the peace" is a destructive act that enables bad behavior and builds personal resentment over time. Delivering the truth, even when difficult, is a gift that addresses problems head-on and prevents future failure.

Amanda Blanc reconciles directness with the UK's typically non-confrontational business culture by emphasizing the need to be 'honest, but do it in a nice way.' Instead of bluntness or evasion, she uses constructive framing like, 'What could we do better?' This provides clarity and saves time without creating a harsh environment.

A leader's desire to be liked can lead to a lack of candor, which is ultimately cruel. Avoiding difficult feedback allows underperformance to fester and makes an eventual firing a shocking surprise. This damages trust more than direct, consistent, and tough conversations would have.

Most managers fail at feedback by avoiding conflict. A better framework combines three elements: toughness (directly confronting the problem), kindness (offering support to improve), and clarity (defining specific actions and the potential positive outcome).

Kindness and candor are not opposites. When leaders establish a culture of kindness, employees trust that direct, constructive feedback comes from a place of positive intent. This trust makes difficult conversations more effective and better received, as it's seen as an act of care.

The most selfish thing a leader can do is withhold feedback because giving it would be uncomfortable. In that moment, you are optimizing for your own comfort at the expense of your colleague's growth. High-performance teams require radical candor, which is fundamentally an unselfish act.

Being a "nice" boss often means pleasing the majority and avoiding conflict. True kindness in leadership involves toughness—holding high standards and having difficult conversations because you have your team's best interests at heart. Kindness is about betterment, not just being liked.

A leader's failure to deliver difficult feedback, even with good intentions, doesn't protect employees. It fosters entitlement in the underperformer and resentment in the leader, leading to a toxic dynamic and an inevitable, messy separation. True kindness is direct, constructive feedback.

True kindness in a leader is not about avoiding confrontation to be 'nice.' Dylan Field argues it's a leader's duty to deliver direct, even hard, feedback. Withholding it is fundamentally unkind because it lets issues fester, ultimately causing more harm to the individual and the team.