The best interviews aren't about one person dominating. They're like a long tennis rally where both participants hit the ball hard but aim to keep the conversation going, creating a more engaging and insightful exchange for the audience.
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To defuse conflict, frame your perspective as a personal narrative rather than objective fact. This linguistic tool signals vulnerability and invites dialogue by acknowledging your story could be wrong, preventing the other person's brain from defaulting to a defensive, "fight or flight" response.
The foundation of clear communication isn't eloquence but active listening. The goal is to understand the other person's perspective before formulating a response, which also helps prevent reactive, stress-induced replies and makes others feel heard.
A critical rule for the "hot seat" format is that after presenting their problem, the subject must remain silent. This prevents them from becoming defensive or steering the conversation. It forces them to simply listen and absorb diverse, unfiltered ideas from the group, which is where real breakthroughs happen.
In disagreements, the objective isn't to prove the other person wrong or "win" the argument. The true goal is to achieve mutual understanding. This fundamental shift in perspective transforms a confrontational dynamic into a collaborative one, making difficult conversations more productive.
True connection requires humility. Instead of trying to imagine another's viewpoint ("perspective taking"), a more effective approach is to actively seek it out through questions and tentative statements ("perspective getting"). This avoids misreads and shows genuine interest.
Genuine rapport isn't built on small talk; it's built by recognizing and addressing the other person's immediate emotional state. To connect, you must first help them with what's on their mind before introducing your own agenda.
Mentalist Oz Perlman landed more airtime on CNBC than any CEO by tailoring his performance to the network's world: stocks, bonds, and markets. By making his craft relevant to their audience's interests, he became indispensable. To capture attention, obsessively focus on the other person's context and needs.
Ineffective interviews try to catch candidates failing. A better approach models a collaborative rally: see how they handle challenging questions and if they can return the ball effectively. The goal is to simulate real-world problem-solving, not just grill them under pressure.
A host or interviewer can never blame a difficult guest for a bad interview. They must take full responsibility for the outcome, even if it means they "picked the wrong elephant." The burden of creating an engaging conversation always falls on the host.
Instead of personally challenging a guest, read a critical quote about them from another source. This reframes you as a neutral moderator giving them a chance to respond, rather than an attacker. The guest has likely already prepared an answer for known criticisms.