To get past surface-level answers and understand someone's true motivations, ask them to go deeper than their initial statement. Then ask again, and a third time. This simple technique pushes past rehearsed responses, and the third answer is typically the one closest to the real truth.

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Instead of asking direct questions like 'what's important?', prompt customers to recount specific, recent experiences. This storytelling method bypasses generic answers, reveals the 'why' behind their actions, and provides powerful narratives for persuading internal stakeholders.

Transactional questions get transactional answers. A "story-worthy" question, like "Tell me about the moment you first sensed trouble with your supplier?", prompts a narrative. This approach extracts the emotion, context, and deeper story behind an issue, leading to more authentic connection and insight.

Instead of asking leading questions that corner an interviewee, use open-ended prompts starting with 'how,' 'what,' or 'why.' This encourages expansive answers and genuine information gathering, whereas closed questions allow for simple, uninformative deflections, achieving no learning.

Citing Oprah Winfrey, Rubenstein argues the key to great interviewing is not having the best questions but being a great listener. True listening allows the interviewer to pivot and follow up on unexpected answers, turning a rigid Q&A into a genuine conversation that uncovers far deeper insights than a prepared script ever could.

Asking questions that probe values, beliefs, or experiences—"deep questions"—can create surprisingly intimate connections in seconds, even with strangers like a barista. These questions invite authenticity and move beyond superficial small talk, making the other person feel seen and valued.

True connection requires humility. Instead of trying to imagine another's viewpoint ("perspective taking"), a more effective approach is to actively seek it out through questions and tentative statements ("perspective getting"). This avoids misreads and shows genuine interest.

When a prospect gives one-word answers, repeatedly and politely ask "Can you give me an example of that?" or "Can you be more specific?" This simple loop forces them to move from vague statements to the concrete details needed to build a case for your solution.

To elicit candid answers from fund managers, the most effective technique is not the question itself but the silence that follows. Resisting the psychological urge to fill the space forces the manager to sit with the question, often leading to less rehearsed and more truthful responses.

Effective spontaneous responses require listening beyond just words. Use the 'Pace, Space, Grace' framework: slow down your urge to respond immediately (Pace), create mental distance to see the larger context (Space), and give yourself permission to trust your intuition about the situation (Grace).

In an intense conversation, especially with a partner, don't stop after their initial statement. Ask, 'Is there more?' When they finish, ask again. Repeat for a third round. This active listening process helps the speaker articulate profound truths they couldn't access alone, fostering deep connection.