When your proposal is too far from someone's current position, it enters their "region of rejection" and is dismissed. Instead of asking for the full change at once, start with a smaller, more palatable request. This builds momentum and makes the ultimate goal seem less distant and more achievable over time.
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Instead of directly asking to meet with a senior executive, first propose a more tactical next step with your current contact. Then, position the executive meeting as a logical 'next, next step' contingent on the success of the first. This reduces pressure and makes the request feel less abrupt.
Resistance is critical information, not just a barrier. It often reveals a team's fear of losing something valuable, such as autonomy, their established identity, or a sense of expertise. Understanding what they're protecting is key to making change less threatening.
Instead of pushing advice, the most effective initial strategy with an unwilling team is to simply observe. This 'pull-based' approach builds trust and rapport, making the team more receptive when they eventually ask for your input, rather than feeling like you're forcing changes on them.
Don't pitch big ideas by going straight to the CEO for a mandate; this alienates the teams who must execute. Instead, introduce ideas casually to find a small group of collaborative "yes, and" thinkers. Build momentum with this core coalition before presenting the developed concept more broadly.
Instead of directly opposing a decision, surface the inherent dilemma. Acknowledge the desired goal (e.g., speed), then clearly state the cost ('If we do X, we trade off Y'). Then ask, 'Is that a tradeoff we are comfortable making?' This shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaborative risk assessment.
When a senior stakeholder proposes a potentially disruptive idea, direct resistance ('pushing') is counterproductive and strengthens their resolve. Instead, 'pull' them into a collaborative exploration. Acknowledge the idea, discuss the underlying problem it solves, and then gently steer the conversation back to how it aligns with the agreed-upon North Star, defusing tension.
To gain buy-in, guide people to your desired outcome through a curated series of questions. This allows them to feel like they are discovering the solution themselves, creating a powerful sense of ownership. They are more likely to commit to a conclusion they feel they helped create.
Instead of offering unsolicited advice, first ask for permission. Frame the feedback around a shared goal (e.g., "I know you want to be the best leader possible") and then ask, "I spotted something that's getting in the way. Could I tell you about it?" This approach makes the recipient far more willing to listen and act.
Instead of pitching a single idea, which invites a yes/no response, present two or three pre-approved options. This gives the other person a sense of autonomy and changes their mental calculus from rejecting your one idea to choosing the best option for them.
When meeting an influential person with opposing views, effectiveness trumps the need to be 'right.' The best strategy is to suppress personal indignation and identify a shared interest. Propose a policy or idea within that common ground that they might be receptive to and champion as their own.
