Directly confronting someone about a behavioral 'blocker' often causes defensiveness. A better method is to first demonstrate your own self-awareness and vulnerability. Then, ask for permission to share observations, which creates trust and makes them more receptive to exploring their behavior.

People become defensive when given unsolicited advice. To create an opening for constructive criticism, first ask the other person for feedback on your own performance. This act of vulnerability establishes trust and often triggers a natural social tendency for them to reciprocate, making them more receptive to your feedback in return.

Resistance is critical information, not just a barrier. It often reveals a team's fear of losing something valuable, such as autonomy, their established identity, or a sense of expertise. Understanding what they're protecting is key to making change less threatening.

When entering a new domain, don't feign expertise. Build trust faster by openly admitting "I don't know" and explicitly leaning on stakeholders for their subject matter knowledge. This positions you as a partner who values their expertise, rather than an outsider imposing solutions.

To avoid influencing their team's feedback, leaders should adopt the practice of being the last person to share their opinion. This creates a psychologically safe environment where ideas are judged on merit, not on alignment with the leader's preconceived notions, often making the best decision obvious.

To introduce a new idea, a leader shouldn't dictate terms. Instead, they should pose it as a discussion topic and listen to the language the team uses (e.g., "cost of living" vs. "inflation"). Adopting their terminology builds shared understanding and makes people feel heard, which enables collective action.

Many leaders, particularly in technical fields, mistakenly believe their role is to provide all the answers. This approach disempowers teams and creates a bottleneck. Shifting from advising to coaching unlocks a team's problem-solving potential and allows leaders to scale their impact.

When a senior stakeholder proposes a potentially disruptive idea, direct resistance ('pushing') is counterproductive and strengthens their resolve. Instead, 'pull' them into a collaborative exploration. Acknowledge the idea, discuss the underlying problem it solves, and then gently steer the conversation back to how it aligns with the agreed-upon North Star, defusing tension.

Instead of offering unsolicited advice, first ask for permission. Frame the feedback around a shared goal (e.g., "I know you want to be the best leader possible") and then ask, "I spotted something that's getting in the way. Could I tell you about it?" This approach makes the recipient far more willing to listen and act.