During his cancer treatment, Steve Garrity learned that the most meaningful support came from friends who were simply present, even without conversation. One friend drove him to chemo during a fight, demonstrating that showing up is more powerful than finding the perfect words. This is a crucial lesson for leaders and colleagues supporting someone through hardship.
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The "lone hero" is a myth; bravery is supported by a network. Courageous individuals actively seek help, relying on four distinct categories of support: moral ("I've got your back"), informational ("here's what you need to know"), resource-based, and appraisal-based feedback.
The common offer "Let me know if I can help" places the burden on an already decision-fatigued caregiver. To make it actionable, caregivers should pre-emptively create a list of simple, concrete tasks (e.g., picking up a prescription, driving to an appointment). This allows well-meaning friends to provide tangible support.
Steve Garrity's battle with cancer instilled a profound sense of empathy. He applies this to leadership by focusing on developing his team for their own success, even if it means they eventually leave. This "paying it forward" mindset is a direct result of the support he received during his illness, turning personal adversity into a professional strength.
Steve Garrity identifies his emotional breakdown in a hospital parking garage as his "rock bottom." Crucially, he sees this moment as a necessary catharsis that allowed him to move forward. This perspective reframes the lowest point of a crisis not as a failure, but as a critical turning point that provides the foundation for recovery and growth.
Instead of searching for the perfect words, which don't exist, it's more effective to be honest about your uncertainty. Simply say "I'm here for you" and then offer a practical, authentic act of support based on your own skills and passions, like cooking a meal or walking their dog.
The generic offer "let me know if I can help" rarely gets a response. Asking "What does support look like right now?" is a more effective, direct question. It gently shifts the burden to the other person to define their needs, making them more likely to accept help and reducing resentment.
Forcing positivity on someone suffering invalidates their authentic feelings of fear, anger, and grief. This "toxic positivity" creates pressure to perform as a "graceful patient," preventing the honest conversations needed to process trauma and isolation. True support makes space for the "uglier aspects" of an experience.
When someone is upset, directly ask if they want to be "heard" (emotional support), "helped" (practical solutions), or "hugged" (social connection). This simple heuristic clarifies their needs and prevents the conversational mismatch of offering solutions when empathy is desired.
True kindness isn't about grand gestures or offering pity. Instead, it's the subtle act of truly 'seeing' another person—recognizing their inherent story and humanity in a shared moment. This simple acknowledgement, devoid of judgment, is a powerful way to honor their existence.
A residence manager dancing in the rain with an upset student shows how empowering employees to act with spontaneous empathy creates more trust and community than any structured support system. These moments define an organization's true culture.
