A simple tactical language shift can completely change the tone of a feedback conversation. Asking "Why did you do that?" immediately puts people on the defensive. Instead, asking "What were the reasons that led to you doing this?" frames the inquiry as curiosity, leading to a more open discussion.

Direct questions in sales or leadership can feel confrontational. Prefacing them with 'I'm curious...' completely changes the dynamic from an interrogation to a collaborative effort to understand. This simple linguistic shift builds trust, encourages openness, and turns transactions into lasting relationships.

Amanda Blanc reconciles directness with the UK's typically non-confrontational business culture by emphasizing the need to be 'honest, but do it in a nice way.' Instead of bluntness or evasion, she uses constructive framing like, 'What could we do better?' This provides clarity and saves time without creating a harsh environment.

Executive teams can argue endlessly when they use the same words but have different underlying definitions. A simple intervention—pausing to have each person define a key term—can reveal they aren't even talking about the same problem, immediately resolving the conflict.

Many salespeople avoid any hint of negativity. However, genuine collaboration requires being comfortable with conflict, pushback, and resistance. Proactively addressing these potential issues builds deep trust and shows you are a partner, not just a vendor trying to smooth-talk their way to a deal.

To defuse conflict, frame your perspective as a personal narrative rather than objective fact. This linguistic tool signals vulnerability and invites dialogue by acknowledging your story could be wrong, preventing the other person's brain from defaulting to a defensive, "fight or flight" response.

Instead of seeking consensus, your primary role in a group meeting is to surface disagreements. This brings out the real challenges and priorities that are usually discussed behind closed doors, giving you the full picture of the problem before you ever present a solution.

In tense executive meetings, this simple verbal tool can de-escalate conflict. By starting with two points of agreement ("I like...") before posing a question ("I wonder if..."), you validate the other person, lower defensiveness, and create space for alternative ideas.

Leaders often avoid direct communication thinking they are being kind, but this creates confusion that costs time, energy, and millions of dollars. True kindness in leadership is delivering a clear, direct message, even if it feels confrontational, as it eliminates costly ambiguity and aligns teams faster.