Recognizing your automatic defensive reactions when feeling afraid is not an innate ability. According to research from Brené Brown, it's a trainable skill. The hardest work in personal and professional development is building the awareness of what your specific 'armor' is and how it manifests.

Related Insights

Brené Brown's research shows courage can be learned, measured, and observed rather than being an innate quality. It comprises four skills, starting with clarifying and operationalizing your values. This makes leadership development more tangible and less about inherent personality traits.

You cannot simply think your way out of a deep-seated fear, as it is an automatic prediction. To change it, you must systematically create experiences that generate "prediction error"—where the feared outcome doesn't happen. This gradual exposure proves to your brain that its predictions are wrong, rewiring the response over time.

The primary obstacle to courage isn't fear itself, but the defensive mechanisms we use to avoid feeling it. This protective 'armor,' while instinctual, ultimately disconnects us from our values and meaningful connections. The most difficult work is recognizing these automatic, self-sabotaging responses when we're afraid.

Society often mistakes emotional suppression for strength and discipline, a form of "toxic stoicism." However, true resilience involves feeling emotions deeply and acting despite them. Choosing to be vulnerable—speaking your truth when it's scary—is an act of courage, not weakness.

Leaders often believe fear is the enemy of courage. Brené Brown argues it's actually the "armor" we unconsciously use to self-protect—like perfectionism or becoming overly decisive—that hinders bravery. Recognizing your personal armor is the first step to disarming it.

Top performers don't eliminate the fear of rejection; they diminish its power through repeated exposure. This 'obstacle immunity' conditions them to act despite their brain's natural fear response, just as an expert skydiver still feels fear but jumps anyway.

Contrary to common belief, feeling fear is not what prevents leaders from being courageous. The real barrier is the defensive "armor"—behaviors like micromanagement or feigned intensity—that leaders adopt when afraid. The path to courage involves identifying and shedding this armor, not eliminating fear.

To move from emotional reactivity to strategic choice in conflict, use a three-step process. First, recognize your physical and emotional triggers (Self-Awareness). Next, consciously calm your nervous system (Pause). Finally, shift your view from a threat to a learning opportunity (Reframe).

Courage isn't the absence of fear but the decision to act despite it. This reframes bravery from a fixed personality characteristic to a skill that can be developed by choosing to lean into fear and not let it dictate actions.

When someone "pushes your buttons," the problem isn't the person pushing, but that you have buttons to be pushed. True emotional resilience comes from dismantling these internal triggers, which are often tied to your sense of worth, rather than trying to protect them from external events.