The biggest professional and personal problems often stem from a lack of candor. Withholding honest feedback to "keep the peace" is a destructive act that enables bad behavior and builds personal resentment over time. Delivering the truth, even when difficult, is a gift that addresses problems head-on and prevents future failure.

To give difficult feedback, use the Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model. Instead of making accusations, state the situation, the specific behavior, and crucially, the impact it had on you. This approach prevents triggering a defensive, fight-or-flight response in the recipient.

Feedback often fails because its motivation is selfish (e.g., 'I want to be right,' 'I want to vent'). It only lands effectively when the giver's genuine intention is to help the other person become who *they* want to be. This caring mindset dictates the delivery and reception.

The Nonviolent Communication framework (Observations, Feelings, Needs, Request) provides a script for difficult conversations. It structures your communication to focus on objective facts and your personal emotional experience, rather than blaming the other person. This approach minimizes defensiveness and fosters empathy.

In disagreements, the objective isn't to prove the other person wrong or "win" the argument. The true goal is to achieve mutual understanding. This fundamental shift in perspective transforms a confrontational dynamic into a collaborative one, making difficult conversations more productive.

To give corrective feedback effectively to sensitive Gen Z employees, leaders must first connect before they correct. The ALEG method provides a four-step process: Ask questions to understand their perspective, Listen intently so they feel heard, Empathize with their situation so they feel understood, and only then Guide them. This approach earns the right to lead through relationship, not authority.

The key to a successful confrontation is to stop thinking about yourself—whether you need to be seen as tough or be liked. The singular goal is to communicate the unvarnished truth in a way the other person can hear and act upon, without their defensiveness being triggered by your own emotional agenda.

The "looping" technique—repeating what you heard and asking "Did I get that right?"—is effective in conflicts even if your interpretation is incorrect. The act of trying to understand and giving them power to correct you demonstrates genuine intent, making the other person feel heard and reducing defensiveness.

When confronting a talented but abrasive CTO, don't just critique bad behavior. Frame the conversation around their effectiveness. Horowitz suggests saying, "You're a fantastic Director of Engineering, but not an effective CTO," because a true CTO must marshal resources across the entire company, not just manage their own team well.