When confronting a talented but abrasive CTO, don't just critique bad behavior. Frame the conversation around their effectiveness. Horowitz suggests saying, "You're a fantastic Director of Engineering, but not an effective CTO," because a true CTO must marshal resources across the entire company, not just manage their own team well.
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Directly confronting someone about a behavioral 'blocker' often causes defensiveness. A better method is to first demonstrate your own self-awareness and vulnerability. Then, ask for permission to share observations, which creates trust and makes them more receptive to exploring their behavior.
To give difficult feedback, use the Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model. Instead of making accusations, state the situation, the specific behavior, and crucially, the impact it had on you. This approach prevents triggering a defensive, fight-or-flight response in the recipient.
Firing decisions should be a function of both incompetence and business constraint. Not all underperformers are equal priorities. Some are like a "trash can on fire in the driveway"—a problem, but not the company's main bottleneck. Focus firing efforts on roles that are the direct constraint to growth.
A leader's failure to deliver difficult feedback, even with good intentions, doesn't protect employees. It fosters entitlement in the underperformer and resentment in the leader, leading to a toxic dynamic and an inevitable, messy separation. True kindness is direct, constructive feedback.
When confronting a high-performing but abrasive employee, don't just criticize. Frame the conversation around their career. Offer a choice: remain a great individual contributor, or learn the interpersonal skills needed for a broader leadership role, with your help.
Don't be afraid to surface problems to executives, as their job is almost entirely focused on what's not working. Withholding a problem is unhelpful; clarifying and framing it is incredibly valuable. Your champion isn't offending their boss by raising an issue, they're demonstrating strategic awareness.
Instead of trying to find the perfect words, preface difficult feedback by stating your own nervousness. Saying, "I'm nervous to share this because I value our relationship," humanizes the interaction, disarms defensiveness, and makes the other person more receptive to the message.
In difficult conversations, leaders fail when focused on their own feelings or ego. The real work is to get to the absolute truth of the situation. This involves moving past your own reaction to understand why the person acted as they did, if the behavior is correctable, and what would truly motivate them to change.
The key to a successful confrontation is to stop thinking about yourself—whether you need to be seen as tough or be liked. The singular goal is to communicate the unvarnished truth in a way the other person can hear and act upon, without their defensiveness being triggered by your own emotional agenda.
When making tough personnel decisions, leaders should frame the choice not as a personal or purely business matter, but as a responsibility to the rest of the organization. Tolerating poor performance at the top jeopardizes the careers and stability of every other employee, making swift action an act of collective protection.
