When leaders avoid introspection, it's often because they are subconsciously protecting themselves from the shame of unresolved legacy issues from their past. This fear of facing internal truths causes them to blame external factors and avoid accountability.
Partners who excel at planning ('talking') but fail to execute are often driven by a deep fear of failure, not laziness. Their talk is a defense mechanism—an 'ego with makeup'—to mask their insecurity. Confronting this requires candor, but be prepared for a defensive reaction as it challenges their core coping strategy.
The biggest professional and personal problems often stem from a lack of candor. Withholding honest feedback to "keep the peace" is a destructive act that enables bad behavior and builds personal resentment over time. Delivering the truth, even when difficult, is a gift that addresses problems head-on and prevents future failure.
True accountability extends beyond your own direct mistakes. Even when someone else is the cause of a problem, hold yourself responsible for having put yourself in that situation. This mindset empowers you to learn from the experience and avoid similar issues in the future by analyzing your choices.
The call for radical workplace honesty ignores the psychological reality that most people view themselves through a self-serving, biased lens. Their "honesty" is often a projection of an inflated self-concept, as true self-awareness is rare and rarely aligned with how others perceive them.
From a young age, we suppress our authentic selves (intuition) to maintain connection with caregivers. This creates a lifelong pattern of seeking external validation over internal knowing, leading us to distrust our gut feelings.
Contrary to common belief, feeling fear is not what prevents leaders from being courageous. The real barrier is the defensive "armor"—behaviors like micromanagement or feigned intensity—that leaders adopt when afraid. The path to courage involves identifying and shedding this armor, not eliminating fear.
'Hidden blockers' like micromanagement or a need to always be right rarely stem from negative intent. They are often deep-seated, counterproductive strategies to fulfill fundamental human needs for value, safety, or belonging. Identifying the underlying need is the first step toward finding a healthier way to meet it.
When a senior leader feels intense, disproportionate urgency, the motivation may be personal rather than organizational. For leader Mo, her impatience stemmed from viewing her role as the "final chapter" of her career. Recognizing this reframed her goal from "completing the work before I leave" to "ensuring the work has lasting impact after I'm gone."
Leaders often try to project an image of perfection, but genuine connection and trust are built on authenticity and vulnerability. Sharing your "brokenness"—insecurities or past struggles—is more powerful than listing accolades, as it creates psychological safety and allows others to connect with you on a human level.
People connect with humanity, not perfection. True leadership requires understanding your own narrative, including flaws and traumas. Sharing this story isn't a weakness; it's the foundation of the connection and trust that modern teams crave, as it proves we are all human.