Contrary to evolutionary psychology's emphasis on matching 'mate value' (e.g., a 7 with a 7), research shows that mismatched couples (e.g., an 8 with a 5 in attractiveness) are no more likely to break up, be unhappy, or cheat. The initial perceived value difference does not predict long-term relationship success.

Relationship satisfaction can be improved with small cognitive shifts called "love hacks." These involve changing one's internal narrative rather than external realities, such as adopting a "growth mindset" about compatibility or reinterpreting a partner's negative behavior more charitably (e.g., as situational rather than characterological).

Contrary to romantic narratives, men's decisions to commit are driven by a list of practical, factual criteria like compatible values, shared future direction, and productive communication. While important, feelings of 'love and connection' are not the primary factors that make someone the right person to marry.

When someone says they're turned off by 'nice guys,' it often means their nervous system equates the feeling of love with a fight-or-flight response. Consistency and safety feel boring because they don't trigger the familiar anxiety and chase dynamic learned from past relationships or childhood.

The key to a successful long-term relationship isn't just chemistry; it's a partner's psychological stability. This is measured by how quickly they return to their emotional baseline after a setback. This resilience is more predictive of success than more fleeting traits.

Contrary to popular belief, a degree of pessimism is a useful tool for building resilient relationships. Expecting a partner to be imperfect, frustrating, and disappointing at times creates a stronger foundation than entering a relationship with idealized, fragile expectations.

Evolutionarily, pair-bonding is crucial for survival. Yet, in conflict, the immediate gratification of "winning" often feels more compelling than maintaining connection. Recognizing this internal conflict—"you can be right or you can be happy"—is key to prioritizing the relationship's long-term health.

The idea of a universal attractiveness scale (e.g., '10s' vs. '2s') only applies to initial encounters with strangers. As people get to know each other over time, their opinions on who is attractive diverge significantly. This allows individuals to find partners they personally rate as a '10', even if others don't agree.

When desirable partners are scarce, people adopt an "inner citadel" mindset to protect their ego. They convince themselves that relationships are undesirable ("men are trash") to cope with the difficulty of the modern mating market.