Direct questions in sales or leadership can feel confrontational. Prefacing them with 'I'm curious...' completely changes the dynamic from an interrogation to a collaborative effort to understand. This simple linguistic shift builds trust, encourages openness, and turns transactions into lasting relationships.

Instead of starting with your version of events or guessing theirs, begin by describing the situation as a neutral observer would. For example: "I'm guessing we have different preferences here." This frames the conflict as a difference to be explored, not a problem to be blamed.

Instead of trying to prove you're right, shift the conversation's purpose to simply understanding their perspective. This lowers defensiveness and creates an invitation, not a confrontation. The goal is mutual learning, which makes agreement more likely but not required for success.

When you sense frustration or that a conversation is getting bogged down, avoid accusatory "Why?" questions. Instead, ask "What's coming up for you?". This question acknowledges that something is bubbling under the surface, showing you are observant and inviting the other person to share their internal state without putting them on the defensive.

In tense executive meetings, this simple verbal tool can de-escalate conflict. By starting with two points of agreement ("I like...") before posing a question ("I wonder if..."), you validate the other person, lower defensiveness, and create space for alternative ideas.

To be seen as receptive, your internal state of empathy is less important than the specific words you use. Other people cannot read your mind, so using a specific set of words and phrases—called 'conversational receptiveness'—is the key to signaling that you're engaging with their perspective.

True connection requires humility. Instead of trying to imagine another's viewpoint ("perspective taking"), a more effective approach is to actively seek it out through questions and tentative statements ("perspective getting"). This avoids misreads and shows genuine interest.

People often believe they are being curious when they aren't outwardly expressing it. Research by decision scientist Julia Minson shows that simply adding phrases like "I would love to understand your point of view" to your argument massively improves how reasonable others perceive you to be.

When performance is challenged, the instinct is to get defensive. A better approach is to adopt the persona of a "dispassionate analyst." You can't be defensive if you're not talking, so listen more and use genuine curiosity to understand the other person's perspective before responding.