Dysfunctional behaviors, like an inability to forgive or express emotion, are often passed down through generations. To become an effective leader and parent, you must have the courage to examine your own story, identify these inherited patterns, and consciously decide to stop them from continuing.
A core value, such as a need for trust, can be a leader's greatest strength or weakness. Without self-awareness, it drives toxic behaviors like micromanaging. With self-awareness, that same value becomes a tool for explicitly setting expectations and building a strong team culture.
Leaders often mistake performance-limiting behaviors for inherent personality flaws. These "blockers" are actually learned beliefs—narratives we tell ourselves. This is crucial because beliefs, unlike traits, can be identified and reframed, unlocking new levels of effectiveness without changing who you are.
Holding onto bitterness consumes significant mental and emotional energy, preventing you from focusing on positive actions. Forgiving others is primarily for your own benefit, releasing you from the burden of resentment and freeing up your capacity to lead and care for others.
The hardest step in personal growth isn't overcoming external forces, but looking in the mirror and apologizing to yourself for your own poor choices. This act of self-confrontation and forgiveness is the necessary precursor to genuine change and self-correction.
Habits are solutions to recurring problems, many of which are unconsciously inherited from family and society. Personal growth begins when you consciously evaluate these automatic solutions and ask if they are truly the best ones for your current life, then take responsibility for upgrading them.
'Hidden blockers' like micromanagement or a need to always be right rarely stem from negative intent. They are often deep-seated, counterproductive strategies to fulfill fundamental human needs for value, safety, or belonging. Identifying the underlying need is the first step toward finding a healthier way to meet it.
When leaders avoid introspection, it's often because they are subconsciously protecting themselves from the shame of unresolved legacy issues from their past. This fear of facing internal truths causes them to blame external factors and avoid accountability.
People connect with humanity, not perfection. True leadership requires understanding your own narrative, including flaws and traumas. Sharing this story isn't a weakness; it's the foundation of the connection and trust that modern teams crave, as it proves we are all human.
The first step to overcoming bad habits is accepting full accountability, rejecting the notion that you're a victim of circumstance or heredity. Pointing to others who have broken similar negative patterns proves it's possible, reframing the challenge as an opportunity to be the first in your lineage to change.
Instead of judging a person's negative behavior, seek to understand their story. Actions are often rooted in past trauma or learned patterns. Understanding the "why" behind the behavior, as explored in Dr. Bruce Perry's book "What Happened to You?", is key to leading with empathy.