An emotion word like 'anger' doesn't refer to a single internal feeling but is a label for a collection of social episodes typical for that emotion in a culture. For example, Japanese 'ikari' often involves understanding the other person, while American 'anger' involves opposition and asserting injustice.
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Society often expects men to solve their own problems, leaving displays of sadness or vulnerability unanswered. The brain then performs an "inner alchemy," transmuting this despair into anger—a more motivating emotion for action. When working with angry men, the underlying issue is often unaddressed sadness.
A six-year-old explained she cries when angry because crying makes her sister comfort her, while anger makes everyone run away. This reveals a fundamental social dynamic: we learn to express sadness to draw people in, while suppressing anger to avoid pushing them away, which can create a disconnect from our true feelings.
The common belief that emotions are a form of energy to be vented or suppressed is wrong. Emotions are more like a recipe, combining ingredients like thoughts, actions, memories, and physical feelings to create the final state, such as anxiety.
Anger arises only when something you love has been threatened or hurt. By tracing anger back to the underlying love, you can dissolve the shame and fear associated with the emotion, transforming it into a tool for self-understanding and connection.
Anger frequently serves as a secondary emotion to cover up more vulnerable primary feelings like hurt, shame, or fear. It acts as a defense mechanism, making you feel powerful and diverting your attention away from the more painful underlying emotion.
According to emotivism, when someone says 'murder is wrong,' they are not stating a verifiable fact about the world. Instead, they are expressing an emotion of disapproval. The moral component ('is wrong') functions like adding an angry emoji or a disapproving tone to the word 'murder,' conveying feeling rather than fact.
When women get angry and cry simultaneously, it reflects an internal conflict. The anger is a desire to impose costs on another person, but the tears signal that they are in a 'lower-leveraged' position and lack the perceived power to do so effectively. It's a blend of aggression and vulnerability.
A child learns that expressing anger is anti-social and may lead to punishment, while expressing sadness is pro-social and elicits care and attention. They strategically transmute their anger into sadness to get their needs met, a pattern that often continues into adulthood where people get sad instead of mad.
Emotions are not universal but culturally scripted. When an immigrant's emotional responses don't align with the majority culture's norms, it can be misinterpreted, leading to negative consequences like being passed over for promotions, social exclusion, and poorer school performance.
A growing trend in psychology suggests relabeling emotions like anger as “unpleasant” rather than “negative.” This linguistic shift helps separate the aversive sensation from the emotion's potential long-term benefits or consequences, acknowledging that many difficult feelings have upsides.
