Society often expects men to solve their own problems, leaving displays of sadness or vulnerability unanswered. The brain then performs an "inner alchemy," transmuting this despair into anger—a more motivating emotion for action. When working with angry men, the underlying issue is often unaddressed sadness.

A six-year-old explained she cries when angry because crying makes her sister comfort her, while anger makes everyone run away. This reveals a fundamental social dynamic: we learn to express sadness to draw people in, while suppressing anger to avoid pushing them away, which can create a disconnect from our true feelings.

What appears as outward aggression, blame, or anger is often a defensive mechanism. These "bodyguards" emerge to protect a person's inner vulnerability when they feel hurt. To resolve conflict, one must learn to speak past the bodyguards to the underlying pain.

Anger arises only when something you love has been threatened or hurt. By tracing anger back to the underlying love, you can dissolve the shame and fear associated with the emotion, transforming it into a tool for self-understanding and connection.

In a study where people could self-stimulate emotions, they chose anger. This suggests anger is not just a reaction but a preferred state because it replaces fear and uncertainty with a clear sense of righteousness and a simple path to action, even if destructive.

When women get angry and cry simultaneously, it reflects an internal conflict. The anger is a desire to impose costs on another person, but the tears signal that they are in a 'lower-leveraged' position and lack the perceived power to do so effectively. It's a blend of aggression and vulnerability.

A child learns that expressing anger is anti-social and may lead to punishment, while expressing sadness is pro-social and elicits care and attention. They strategically transmute their anger into sadness to get their needs met, a pattern that often continues into adulthood where people get sad instead of mad.

From a young age, men are taught to see vulnerability as weakness. When faced with fear, a common coping mechanism is to transmute that emotion into rage, which is seen as a more acceptable expression of male strength.

Anger is the emotion people are most likely to self-stimulate because it provides a potent neurological shortcut. It replaces anxiety and uncertainty with a feeling of clarity, energy, and focus, making it a tempting but dangerous short-term solution to complex problems.