Society often expects men to solve their own problems, leaving displays of sadness or vulnerability unanswered. The brain then performs an "inner alchemy," transmuting this despair into anger—a more motivating emotion for action. When working with angry men, the underlying issue is often unaddressed sadness.

A six-year-old explained she cries when angry because crying makes her sister comfort her, while anger makes everyone run away. This reveals a fundamental social dynamic: we learn to express sadness to draw people in, while suppressing anger to avoid pushing them away, which can create a disconnect from our true feelings.

What appears as outward aggression, blame, or anger is often a defensive mechanism. These "bodyguards" emerge to protect a person's inner vulnerability when they feel hurt. To resolve conflict, one must learn to speak past the bodyguards to the underlying pain.

Contrary to the dominant medical model, mental health issues like depression and anxiety are not illnesses. They are normal, helpful responses that act as messengers, signaling an underlying problem or unresolved trauma that needs to be addressed rather than a chemical imbalance to be suppressed.

In a study where people could self-stimulate emotions, they chose anger. This suggests anger is not just a reaction but a preferred state because it replaces fear and uncertainty with a clear sense of righteousness and a simple path to action, even if destructive.

Neuroscientist Lachlan Kent describes depression not as a metaphor for feeling 'down,' but as a neurological process called 'graviception' that alters our perception of gravity. It makes the world feel slower, smaller, and physically heavier, akin to an emotional black hole.

Early negative experiences, such as parental abuse, cause children to internalize blame. This creates a deeply ingrained subconscious program that they are inherently flawed, which dictates their reactions and self-perception for decades until it is consciously unraveled.

When men report feeling numb, it is a common misinterpretation to see it as an absence of emotion. In reality, numbness is a psychological defense mechanism signaling that the emotional system is overwhelmed and has gone into shutdown. It is a sign of emotional fullness, not vacancy.

Anger is the emotion people are most likely to self-stimulate because it provides a potent neurological shortcut. It replaces anxiety and uncertainty with a feeling of clarity, energy, and focus, making it a tempting but dangerous short-term solution to complex problems.