Trauma is not an objective property of an event but a subjective experience created by the relationship between a present situation and past memories. Because experience is a combination of sensory input and remembered past, changing the meaning or narrative of past events can change the experience of trauma itself.

Trying to eliminate trauma is counterproductive. Instead, reframe its role by acknowledging it as a protective mechanism in your left brain. Thank it for its information, then consciously shift focus to other brain regions to self-soothe and move forward.

The popular notion of "moving on" from trauma is a myth that suggests you can leave the past behind. A more realistic and healthier approach is to "move forward with it," integrating the experience into your identity. This acknowledges the permanent impact of the event while still allowing for growth and rebuilding.

For individuals, particularly high-achieving women, who are the 'glue' in their communities, the most powerful step toward healing is admitting they are not okay. This act dismantles performative pressure and creates space for authentic recovery, often revealing a shared struggle among peers.

A traumatic event strips away bravado and physical strength, forcing a fundamental question: "Do you want to live?" It becomes a confrontation with a lifetime of trauma that may have eroded your self-love, which must be rediscovered to truly heal.

Even after years of self-work, Melissa Wood Tepperberg is still removing "masks" she adopted during a dysfunctional childhood. Healing isn't a single event but a continuous process of shedding protective layers as you evolve, with new challenges revealing deeper wounds that need attention.

Recovery from a life-altering event isn't about returning to your old self; that self no longer exists. True healing is a creative process of discovering who you are now. It requires imagination to invent new habits, goals, and rituals that fit your new reality, rather than trying to salvage old ones.

The Kintsugi principle, where shattered pottery is repaired with gold, is a powerful metaphor for post-traumatic growth. Instead of hiding the cracks, they are highlighted, making the object more beautiful and unique. This reframes trauma not as damage, but as a source of strength, wisdom, and resilience.

To heal a relational wound, one must revisit the original feeling within a new, safe relationship. The healing occurs when this context provides a "disconfirming experience"—a different, positive outcome that meets the original unmet need and neurologically rewrites the pattern.