Every act of courage—from leadership decisions to personal relationships—involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. The desire to be brave without being vulnerable is a fundamental, unwinnable conflict.
True belonging requires you to be who you are. In contrast, fitting in involves assessing a group and changing your identity to be accepted, an unsustainable act of self-betrayal.
A clear definition of privilege is having the luxury to remain silent on uncomfortable issues like race and power. Choosing to engage in these conversations, despite the personal discomfort and risk, is an act of courage and responsibility.
When people are unwilling or unable to feel their own emotional pain, they often transform it into actions that cause pain to others. This applies to individuals lashing out and leaders giving their followers someone to hate.
From a young age, men are taught to see vulnerability as weakness. When faced with fear, a common coping mechanism is to transmute that emotion into rage, which is seen as a more acceptable expression of male strength.
The foundation of belonging is not being part of a group, but having the courage to belong to yourself above all else. This self-acceptance allows you to belong everywhere because you never betray your own values to fit in.
The impulse when feeling shame is to offload the discomfort onto others via communication. A practical first step for resilience is to pause all external communication, get grounded, and speak to yourself with kindness before reaching out for support.
A fundamental trade-off exists between being brave and being comfortable. If you feel comfortable while attempting an act you believe is courageous, you are likely not being truly brave. Real courage requires stepping into discomfort.
Just as trying to fit into a mold limits you, dedicating your life to being the opposite of what people expect can also prevent you from discovering your true self. Both fitting in and the rebuttal to it cause you to lose yourself.
Hiding painful experiences or parts of your identity out of shame gives those secrets power over your life. By speaking your truth and sharing your story, you reclaim control, remove the shame, and can define the narrative's outcome.