The highest purpose of a partnership is not to mold your partner into your ideal, but to serve as a mirror that helps them become their most authentic self. It's an act of service to their personal growth, recognizing and supporting their true nature.

Despite its complexities, a successful marriage's foundation is simple: each partner consistently feels they are the other's favorite person. This core sentiment, when genuinely maintained, provides the warmth and motivation to navigate inevitable challenges.

We connect most deeply with the unique, spiky, and imperfect parts of a person's character—their non-fungible traits. Trying to smooth these edges to be more universally palatable actually makes you less distinct and, therefore, less capable of forming a deep, unique bond.

Couples make two fatal, opposing assumptions. First, that marriage will fix a partner's existing flaws. Second, that the person they marry will not fundamentally change over decades. A successful marriage requires accepting current flaws while preparing to grow alongside an evolving partner.

People mistakenly believe marriage will either change their partner for the better (fixing flaws) or prevent their partner from ever changing (preserving the current dynamic). Both assumptions are flawed and set the relationship up for failure.

Beyond happiness or stability, a partnership's ultimate goal should be to help each other become the most authentic versions of themselves. This requires an intimacy where you can see your partner's blind spots and provide feedback that fosters genuine self-discovery and growth.

Contrary to popular belief, a degree of pessimism is a useful tool for building resilient relationships. Expecting a partner to be imperfect, frustrating, and disappointing at times creates a stronger foundation than entering a relationship with idealized, fragile expectations.

Relationships don't start in earnest until the initial fantasy shatters. This 'crisis of disappointment' happens when partners see each other realistically for the first time, flaws and all. Only after this moment can a genuine connection be built on who the person actually is, rather than on an idealized projection.

Strong initial chemistry is often mistaken for genuine compatibility, leading people to commit prematurely. The subsequent attempt to change a partner to fit a preconceived vision inevitably breeds resentment and conflict when values are discovered to be misaligned.