Wealthy parents who endlessly provide for their adult children may inadvertently signal a lack of faith in their abilities. This can lead to depression and a sense of incapability, as the financial support is perceived as a message that they are seen as losers.
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The parenting trope of telling children they can achieve anything backfires, especially when coupled with shielding them from failure. Children perceive this as disingenuous pandering, which erodes trust and can make them feel their parents secretly view them as incapable.
Continuing to give money to adult children sends a damaging subliminal message: 'I don't believe you can make it on your own.' This perceived lack of faith from parents can be more destructive to a young adult's confidence than the financial struggle itself.
Parents who track and financially support their adult children believe they are helping. In reality, this behavior communicates a lack of faith in their children's abilities, destroying their self-worth and trapping them in a cycle of dependency.
If an adult child lacks ambition, the root cause is often continued financial support from parents. Providing money and shelter removes the natural consequences of inaction, creating a comfortable environment for laziness. The most effective (though difficult) solution is to cut them off financially.
Massive wealth imposes a hidden 'social debt'—a crushing weight of expectations that dictates how heirs must live, who they can marry, and what values they must hold. As the Vanderbilt family story shows, this can destroy independence and happiness, effectively making heirs prisoners of their fortune.
Instead of a fixed inheritance plan based on age, adopt a flexible strategy that scales financial support up or down based on a child's productivity and life choices. This approach, inspired by Morgan Housel, rewards effort and responsible behavior while avoiding subsidizing unproductive lifestyles.
While well-intentioned, providing prolonged financial support to adult children communicates a belief that they are incapable of succeeding on their own. This cripples their self-esteem and ambition, making the enabling parent the root of the problem.
When parents financially support their adult children's unrealistic ambitions, it's often not for the child's benefit. It's a defense mechanism to avoid the social judgment they would face from their own friends if their child were perceived as unsuccessful.
Continuously paying for an adult child's lifestyle, while well-intentioned, can be perceived by the child as a message that their parents believe they are incapable of succeeding on their own, leading to resentment and depression.
Beyond a certain threshold, net worth can stop providing happiness and become a social burden. When friends, family, and the community become aware of one's wealth, their expectations change, creating social pressures and liabilities that can outweigh the financial benefits and diminish overall well-being.
