Studies on toddlers' reactions to parental separation identified four attachment styles. These styles, formed in early childhood, are highly predictive of an individual's attachment patterns in romantic relationships as an adult. However, these templates are not fixed and can be changed with self-awareness.
The feelings of love and attachment arise from three collaborating neural circuits: the autonomic nervous system (our physiological state), empathy circuits (our ability to match another's state), and, surprisingly, circuits associated with positive delusions—the belief that our partner is uniquely special and irreplaceable.
Research by The Gottman Institute identified four behaviors that strongly predict breakups: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Of these "Four Horsemen," contempt—the feeling that a person is worthless or beneath consideration—is the most powerful and destructive predictor of a relationship's demise, acting like "sulfuric acid."
A specific set of 36 questions progressing in emotional depth can make strangers feel attached or in love. This process works not by magic, but by creating a shared, vulnerable narrative. Listening to this narrative causes the participants' autonomic nervous systems (e.g., heart rates) to synchronize, a biological hallmark of bonding.
A neuroimaging study found that when people feel their partner contributes to their "self-expansion" (making them feel more capable and positive about themselves), brain areas for assessing attractiveness are less active when they view alternative partners. A partner's praise can literally make others seem less appealing.
Contrary to popular belief, maximizing dopamine doesn't always enhance sexual function. While dopamine drives desire, excessively high levels create a state of high alert (sympathetic nervous system). This state prevents the engagement of the calming parasympathetic nervous system, which is required for physical arousal, creating a mind-body disconnect.
Studies of mothers and children during WWII bombings revealed a direct link between their physiological stress levels. If a mother remained calm, her child did too. This demonstrates that a child's autonomic nervous system tends to mimic and co-regulate with their primary caregiver's, shaping their long-term stress response.