The pursuit of a "balanced" life is often futile. A better aim is "coherence"—the conscious alignment of your identity, beliefs, and actions. A highly coherent life can be radically imbalanced for a period, and that is not just acceptable, but purposeful.
Related Insights
Reaching your ultimate goals can trigger an existential crisis and feelings of emptiness, a form of chaos. The journey of building and facing challenges, though seemingly chaotic, provides purpose and true psychological stability. Therefore, one should prioritize the challenging journey over the destination.
The common advice to 'find your purpose' can be counterproductive. It boxes you into a static self-identity, creating friction and existential crises whenever you grow or your interests change. A more flexible approach is to focus on a set of core values that guide you, rather than a single, reductive 'purpose'.
The pursuit of a perfect, static balance is a myth. True balance, like standing on a balance board, is a dynamic process of constant micro-adjustments. The skill is not in finding a fixed center but in becoming adept at the perpetual act of readjusting between competing priorities.
A primary cause of burnout is the internal friction from pursuing mutually exclusive goals (e.g., maximizing wealth, family time, and travel simultaneously). The solution is to prioritize based on one's current stage of life, creating a coherent personal vision.
Instead of striving for perfect balance, view your identity as a house with different rooms (e.g., career, family, health). If one room "catches fire," you have others for refuge, making you more resilient to setbacks.
The search for a single, true purpose is flawed because humans are dynamic and constantly evolving. Instead, focus on living purposefully by ensuring your actions, beliefs, and identity are in alignment. This makes meaning an active, ongoing process rather than a final destination to be found.
The concept of "work-life balance" sets people, especially women, up for failure, shame, and guilt. A more effective frame is "work-life harmony," which focuses on intentionally arranging the pieces of your life in a way that is uniquely satisfying for your current life season.
Instead of focusing on external achievements, consider that life's core purpose is optimizing your inner self. This requires a continuous balancing act between "order" (structure, habits, thoughts) and "vitality" (energy, spontaneity, emotion). True well-being emerges from this equilibrium.
Goals (e.g., "be a doctor," "be happy") are outcome-focused and can lead to frustration if not achieved. Intentions (e.g., "act with kindness") are process-focused and within your control in any moment. Centering your life on intentions creates a stable internal anchor, regardless of your job title or external circumstances.
The concept of "work-life balance" is a fallacy. Instead, successful leaders integrate their life and work. This means creating firm boundaries and non-negotiable personal rituals, like a morning routine, to give to yourself first before you can effectively give to anybody else.
