The advice to simply focus and try harder is flawed because it ignores that people may face struggles, like a learning disability, that effort alone cannot overcome. True success can come from identifying the root problem and providing tailored support, not just demanding more work.
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Feedback often fails because its motivation is selfish (e.g., 'I want to be right,' 'I want to vent'). It only lands effectively when the giver's genuine intention is to help the other person become who *they* want to be. This caring mindset dictates the delivery and reception.
We incorrectly assume people misbehave due to a lack of motivation. Research suggests it's often a deficit in neurocognitive skills like frustration tolerance or problem-solving. Pushing harder on motivation is therefore ineffective and can be damaging.
People consume endless self-help content but fail to change because the problem isn't a lack of information. True behavioral change requires intense, consistent intervention, which is why long-term therapy works where books and videos fail to create lasting impact.
Echoing Carol Dweck's work on malleable mindset, empathy is not a fixed personality trait but a skill that can be intentionally developed. Just as one strengthens muscles at a gym, individuals can practice and improve their capacity for empathy and connection through consistent effort.
In a supportive culture, managing underperformance starts with co-authored goals upstream. When results falter, the conversation should be a diagnostic inquiry focused on removing roadblocks. This shifts the focus from the person's failure to the problem that's hindering their success, making tough conversations productive.
High-achievers often have a mental block against simple solutions, subconsciously believing that important work must feel hard. This prevents them from even searching for easier paths like delegation or automation. To overcome this, reframe problems from “How can I do this?” to “Who or what could do this for me?”
The belief that people fail due to lack of will leads to blame. Shifting to 'people do well if they can' reframes failure as a skill gap, not a will gap. This moves your role from enforcer to helper, focusing you on identifying and building missing skills.
Praising kids for being "smart" reinforces the idea that intelligence is a fixed trait. When these students encounter a difficult problem, they conclude they lack the "magic ingredient" and give up, rather than persisting through the challenge.
While intended to be motivational, the belief "If I can do it, so can you" is counterproductive. It wrongly assumes everyone shares the same starting point, running contrary to the core principle of effective coaching: meeting people where they are. This mindset prevents leaders from tailoring their guidance and truly developing their team's capabilities.
According to the "Feedback Fallacy" research, focusing on weaknesses creates a stress response and yields flat results. In contrast, identifying what someone does well and encouraging more of it leads to a 17% performance improvement. It is more effective to analyze and replicate successes than to fix failures.
