While children often thrive with the independence and structure of boarding school, the biggest, often unstated, con is the emotional cost to the parent. The parent effectively loses their child from the home years earlier than expected, a difficult reality that should be weighed heavily in the decision.
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Continuing to give money to adult children sends a damaging subliminal message: 'I don't believe you can make it on your own.' This perceived lack of faith from parents can be more destructive to a young adult's confidence than the financial struggle itself.
In the hyper-competitive college admissions "arms race," many parents hire consultants not because they believe it's ideal, but out of fear. They feel they cannot unilaterally disarm when their child is competing against others using every available advantage.
Parents obsess over choices affecting long-term success, but research suggests these have minimal effect on outcomes like personality. Instead, parenting profoundly shapes a child's day-to-day happiness and feelings of security, which are valuable in themselves and should be the primary focus.
The mere presence of an adult shifts responsibility away from children. They come to expect adults to enforce safety and solve conflicts, which discourages them from developing their own problem-solving skills, risk assessment, and self-reliance.
In an era where any subject can be learned online, the main function of college is providing a structured, semi-independent environment for young adults. It serves as a social transition between living under parental rule and entering the professional world, a role disconnected from its academic purpose.
People who sacrifice their ambitions for parental approval often grow to resent them, creating permanent distance. Facing short-term discomfort is better than a lifetime of regret and a strained relationship.
While well-intentioned, attending every single school recital or sports game can create unrealistic expectations for children. Occasionally missing an event teaches resilience, adaptability, and the reality that life sometimes gets in the way, better preparing them for adulthood.
When parents financially support their adult children's unrealistic ambitions, it's often not for the child's benefit. It's a defense mechanism to avoid the social judgment they would face from their own friends if their child were perceived as unsuccessful.
Continuously paying for an adult child's lifestyle, while well-intentioned, can be perceived by the child as a message that their parents believe they are incapable of succeeding on their own, leading to resentment and depression.
The opportunity cost of working in a family business can be enormous, limiting personal financial upside. However, the time and relationship built with a parent can be the most valuable and fulfilling experience of one's life, a trade-off that transcends monetary calculation.