Economist Joseph Hotz theorizes that parents subconsciously enforce stricter rules on their firstborn as an efficiency play. By maximizing the oldest child's success, they create a role model whose achievements and behaviors will 'spill over' to younger siblings, maximizing the return on total parental investment.
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Parenting isn't a one-way street. A child's inherent temperament (e.g., ADHD, agreeableness) actively shapes parental reactions. This creates powerful feedback loops where, for instance, a difficult child elicits stricter parenting, which in turn affects development. The outcome is often misattributed solely to the parenting style.
Parents obsess over choices affecting long-term success, but research suggests these have minimal effect on outcomes like personality. Instead, parenting profoundly shapes a child's day-to-day happiness and feelings of security, which are valuable in themselves and should be the primary focus.
Countering the idea that parenting has little effect on outcomes, a twin study found that the twin receiving slightly more maternal affection between ages 5-10 grew up to be more open, conscientious, and agreeable. This suggests that small, differential parenting choices have measurable long-term consequences for personality.
Increased economic disparity makes parents intensely anxious about their children's future success. This fear drives them to over-schedule and micromanage their kids' lives, focusing on resume-building activities rather than free play, which contributes to a more stressful childhood.
To avoid direct competition and establish a unique identity, siblings often subconsciously pursue excellence in different domains. If one child dominates academics, another may pivot to athletics or arts, even if they have overlapping talents. This evolutionary strategy, called "niche picking," fosters individual success.
A study by sociologist Emma Zhang found an older sibling's arbitrary academic advantage (from being old for their grade) boosts the younger sibling's performance. This demonstrates a powerful non-genetic, non-parental mechanism through which family-level advantages compound and perpetuate broader societal inequality.
Society is experiencing a 'generational whiplash' in parenting. A reaction against strict methods led to a culture of 'eighth-place trophies,' producing adults ill-equipped for real-world consequences. A counter-movement is now emerging where parents are reintroducing competition and accountability to better prepare their children for life's challenges.
The most impactful gift a parent can provide is not material, but an unwavering, almost irrational belief in their child's potential. Since children lack strong self-assumptions, a parent can install a powerful, positive "frame" that they will grow to inhabit, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The massive investment gap in education ($75k/year at elite private schools vs. $15k at average public schools) creates an insurmountable advantage for the wealthy. This financial disparity, which translates to a 370-point SAT gap, is a more powerful determinant of future success than individual character or talent.
Parents don't need to formally teach kids about money. Children form powerful, lasting mental models by observing their parents' daily actions—every offhand comment about affordability, every choice of vacation, and every remark about neighbors. They will either mimic this behavior or, if they see it as flawed, aggressively rebel against it.
