While rigid control from the grave is destructive, establishing guiding principles for future generations is essential. The key is balancing dead-hand control (e.g., protecting assets from divorce) with significant flexibility to allow future trustees to adapt to unforeseen life events.

For families with young children undergoing a liquidity event, estate plans must include flexibility within irrevocable trusts. This anticipates future scenarios, such as deciding "how much is too much" for heirs, and allows for adjustments without breaking the core structure.

A common early mistake is for couples to try settling terms amicably before involving professionals. The spouse with less financial information often makes critical concessions without understanding their rights or the true value of the assets, leading to inequitable outcomes.

Dividing complex assets like retirement accounts or business interests can create long-term financial entanglements with an ex-spouse. A better strategy can be bartering these future assets for simpler, immediate ones like cash to achieve a clean financial break.

Instead of battling over individual assets, couples should first negotiate the overarching ratio of their post-divorce living standards (e.g., 1:1 after a long marriage). This principle-based agreement provides a clear framework for dividing assets and support, preventing fights over minor items.

A growing trend in prenups involves clauses designed to protect second-generation wealth. Parents who plan to leave significant assets or provide ongoing financial support are now insisting their children get prenups to ensure family money doesn't become divisible marital property in a divorce.

While a prenup is negotiated in good faith before marriage, a postnup often arises from a marital issue like infidelity. This timing can lead courts to view it as the first step in a divorce negotiation, not a marriage plan, making it more susceptible to being challenged and overturned.

A common reason parents avoid discussing their estate is the desire not to burden their children. This is deeply ironic, as silence creates the ultimate burden: heirs are left to navigate a complex, emotionally fraught financial process while grieving, without any guidance.

For the ultra-wealthy, the biggest challenge is not dividing complex assets but preventing public disclosure. The threat of "sunshine laws" opening divorce files to the press motivates both parties to collaborate, settle privately, and strategically "play keep away from the press."