You cannot create a new future from a victim mentality. Even if you were genuinely victimized, clinging to that identity keeps you in a reactive state and cedes power to the past. The first step to creating anything new is to release this stance.
Taking responsibility isn't about blaming yourself for past abuse. It's about identifying how, as an adult, your choices and behaviors unconsciously perpetuate the patterns from that trauma, giving you the power to change them.
Healing involves processing past trauma to save your life, but it won't change it. True transformation is future-focused; it's about developing into the person required to achieve a greater vision, which pulls you forward beyond your old identity.
Scientific evidence suggests that a mother's feelings toward her fetus can imprint a core sense of self before birth. This is demonstrated by a case where a newborn rejected its mother's milk because the mother secretly had not wanted the child.
People feeling inadequate often overcompensate by over-giving and doing too much for others. This trains the people around them to under-function, creating a dynamic that reinforces the original belief that "my time isn't as valuable" or "I'm not as good."
You don't communicate objectively; you speak through the filter of your core beliefs. If you believe "people don't care," your requests will sound demanding or passive-aggressive, provoking the very rejection that confirms your negative belief.
Contrary to popular belief, your "positive possible future" self—an ambitious, idealized version of you—determines your current motivation and actions more than your past traumas do. Focusing on this future vision is the key to unlocking present-day drive and change.
When a painful core belief feels intensely real, you must consciously differentiate the feeling from reality. The practice is to have your "wise self" tell your "wounded self," "That's not true about you. That's trauma." This creates the necessary space to heal.
When triggered, your wounded inner child takes control and makes decisions that recreate past pain. The work is to recognize this shift, differentiate your wise adult self from this wounded part, and then let the wise self compassionately guide your actions.
A core belief like "I'm not enough" is not just an internal feeling. It's a worldview with three components: a projection onto yourself (I am inadequate), onto others (others are better than me), and onto life (life is a struggle where I can't get ahead).
When creating something new, like a book about overcoming trauma, you cannot do it from the mindset of that trauma (e.g., "I'm not good enough"). You must consciously step into the identity of your future, more realized self and create from that place of confidence.