Individual self-help is often self-indulgent because we cannot see our own blind spots. True growth happens in a community context where relationships built on trust allow others to offer feedback. This makes the collective more intelligent than any individual working alone.

The word "community" literally means "shared gifts." This reframes it from a state of being to an act of doing. A flourishing community isn't one you simply join; it's one you actively create by participating and contributing your unique talents, like a potluck.

The most effective way to find a community isn't to search for a specific tribe. Instead, seek out situations of transition for yourself or others—like a new job or city. People are most open to new connections during these moments of change, creating fertile ground for authentic community to form.

Seeking validation from those who only see you as you currently are is limiting. The most transformative relationships are with mentors and peers who see beyond your present state and hold a vision for a greater, aspirational future self.

Community accelerates personal change in three ways: it helps navigate rapid change through real-time peer support, it makes building new habits easier by removing reliance on individual willpower, and it enables results that are impossible to achieve alone. It externalizes the burden of transformation.

Most people have social (fun) and collaborative (work) communities, but lack a 'formative' one. This distinct type of community is dedicated to the process of 'becoming together,' where members ask questions about personal growth ('are you becoming a better you?') rather than task completion ('did you get it done?').

We have two competing types of attention: narrow "task attention" for getting things done, and wider "relational attention" for connection. Flourishing groups, like Zingerman's Deli, deliberately create spaces for relational attention to emerge, such as sharing personal stories, because it is the true source of trust, creativity, and meaning.

The desire for connection and necessary skills often already exist within a group. A leader's role is not to construct community, but to create the conditions—like providing a shared space or a clear invitation—that activate these latent connections and allow them to flourish.

We have social communities (for fun) and collaborative ones (to get things done). A rarer, more powerful type is the "formative community," where the shared purpose is to help each other grow and become. It is a gathering of intent, not content.