Most people struggle with either hate or praise. The real skill is to remain unaffected by both. By not believing the people who call you the greatest, you build immunity to those who call you a failure. True self-worth must be internally derived.
Arrogance is a mask for insecurity. To build real confidence, especially early in your career, focus on your work and internal validation. Shut out external noise, simplify your life, and let your actions speak for themselves.
Tying self-worth to professional achievements is a trap. True validation comes from your character and how you handle adversity—things invisible to the public. Detaching self-worth from outcomes creates an unshakeable sense of self.
To build resilient self-esteem, attach your self-worth to living by your values—a process you can control (e.g., 'being a good father'). Avoid tying it to external outcomes you can't control (e.g., 'my child is happy with me'). This allows you to remain stable regardless of external feedback.
For genuinely secure individuals, hateful comments are not a source of pain but a source of energy. They view the negativity as a signal they are making an impact and use it as motivation. Haters would be demoralized if they understood their attacks were actually strengthening their target's resolve.
To maintain long-term consistency, detach from all external validation. If you internalize praise and positive feedback, you make yourself vulnerable to the inevitable dissent and criticism. Lasting stability comes from ignoring both and focusing on your own internal metrics and process.
Top performers maintain a healthy balance by rapidly toggling between two extremes: believing they are exceptional and simultaneously feeling like they have failed. This duality fuels ambition while preventing the complacency that comes with pure ego or the paralysis of pure self-doubt.
Overcome the fear of negative feedback by reframing it. A person leaving a hateful comment is likely deeply unhappy. Instead of feeling attacked, feel pity for their state of mind. This psychological shift neutralizes the comment's emotional power over you.
Society's metrics for success (money, looks) are a losing game. Instead, create your own pedestal based on qualities you value, like kindness or loyalty. This makes self-worth internally driven and unassailable because you are the judge and jury.
People get trapped by self-doubt, believing others are judging them. The reality is most people are focused on themselves. Understanding that both extreme self-confidence and crippling insecurity are internal fabrications can break the cycle of negative self-talk.
A key to resilience is recognizing that both victory and defeat are temporary and misleading. Internalizing that neither defines you allows for emotional stability, preventing the euphoria of a win or the despair of a loss from derailing long-term progress and sound decision-making.