Author John Grisham, a longtime death penalty supporter, had a complete change of heart after a prison chaplain asked, "Do you think Jesus will approve of what we do here?" This shows that a well-posed, self-reflective question can be far more persuasive than a direct confrontation, as it bypasses defensiveness.

Instead of reacting to a frustrating behavior, approach it with "loving curiosity" to find its root cause, often in a person's past. Discovering this "understandable reason" naturally and effortlessly triggers compassion, dissolving judgment and conflict without forcing empathy.

Daryl Davis attributes his success not to courage, but to a foundational curiosity about the origins of hate. This mindset shift—'rather than get furious, I got curious'—allowed him to approach people who hated him with a genuine desire to learn, which in turn opened them up to dialogue and change.

When former neo-Nazi Jeff Scoop tried to escalate a conversation by pounding his fist, musician Daryl Davis's calm, non-reactive response broke the script. This unexpected de-escalation made Jeff curious and receptive, rather than more defensive.

Former neo-Nazi Jeff Scoop advises against completely cutting off loved ones in extremist groups. Total isolation forces them deeper into the movement's bubble, as they have no support system outside of it. Maintaining a connection, while disagreeing with the ideology, provides a crucial lifeline and an exit path.

Asking questions that probe values, beliefs, or experiences—"deep questions"—can create surprisingly intimate connections in seconds, even with strangers like a barista. These questions invite authenticity and move beyond superficial small talk, making the other person feel seen and valued.

Daryl Davis and Jeff Scoop stress they don't convert anyone. Instead, they introduce new perspectives or personal stories that create internal cognitive dissonance. This "seed" allows the person to feel they initiated the change themselves, making it genuine and lasting.

When a Klansman claimed Black people have a "violence gene," Daryl Davis didn't argue facts. Instead, he created an analogy that all white people have a "serial killer gene." This forced the Klansman to confront the absurdity of his own logic from the other side.

Individuals who have converted from one ideology to another are powerful advocates for their new position. They possess an inherent understanding of the other side's beliefs, can speak authentically about what influenced their change, and serve as credible, relatable evidence that minds can be changed.