An intense emotion like fear will run its course and pass in just 7 to 12 seconds if you let yourself feel it completely without suppression. Chronic suffering arises from resisting the feeling, not from the feeling itself. To accelerate this process, breathe into the physical sensation rather than holding your breath against it.

Suffering isn't just pain; it's the product of pain and your resistance to it. To reduce suffering, focus not on eliminating pain (which is impossible) but on lowering your resistance to it. This reframes difficult experiences as opportunities for learning and growth, making suffering sacred.

Stress doesn't come from events, but from our mental resistance to them. "Arguing with what is" is the sole cause of suffering. Accepting reality as it is—without necessarily condoning it—is the path to peace.

Standard CBT's intense focus on changing thoughts and behaviors proved ineffective for highly suicidal individuals, who felt invalidated. DBT's founder, Marsha Linehan, discovered that "acceptance" of one's life and problems was a necessary prerequisite before meaningful change could occur.

Life inevitably involves suffering. According to logotherapy founder Viktor Frankl, the pursuit of meaning is not a luxury but the fundamental requirement that makes suffering bearable. This shifts focus from chasing happiness to crafting a life with a “why” strong enough to endure any “how.”

People compound their suffering. The initial pain comes from a negative event, but a second, self-inflicted layer comes from the belief that life should have been perfect. Accepting imperfection as normal eliminates this secondary suffering, reducing overall pain.

Instead of trying to eliminate suffering in ourselves or others, adopt a "ministry of presence." This means showing up with a loving heart to be with painful emotions as they are, creating a spacious and compassionate inner environment. This transforms our relationship with pain, even if the pain itself doesn't disappear.

DBT addresses the critique that therapy blames the victim by validating that external factors cause suffering. However, it empowers the individual by asserting that while they may not be at fault for their problems, they hold the ultimate responsibility for solving them.

Much of everyday suffering comes from a fundamental imbalance: either failing to accept what is outside our control or failing to change what is within it. The core dialectic of a well-lived life is continually discerning between these two paths and acting accordingly.