We should distinguish between destructive violence and productive aggression. Channeling aggressive impulses to defend the vulnerable or challenge unfairness is a healthy and socially useful trait for people of all genders.
Society is not fully egalitarian but exists in a transitional state. Some men still feel entitled to traditional roles, while others model more egalitarian relationships, creating a complex and inconsistent social landscape.
Patriarchal systems hurt men by limiting their acceptable emotions (e.g., only anger is okay) and discouraging deep, hands-on involvement in child-rearing, thereby robbing them of opportunities for emotional expression and intimacy with their children.
We subconsciously conjure different archetypes for men (strong, tough) and women (compassionate, kind). When evaluating individuals, especially in leadership, we judge them against these prescriptive gendered templates, punishing any deviation.
While women's rights have advanced significantly, dwelling on this progress can make people dismissive of ongoing issues like sexual violence, pay gaps, and unequal domestic labor that women still face.
Men are often reluctant to show vulnerability with other men, leading them to rely exclusively on female partners for emotional support. Psychologists call this dynamic "man-keeping," and it places an unsustainable amount of emotional labor on women in relationships.
Despite having the same skills as camp counselors, young men rarely apply to be babysitters. This isn't due to a lack of ability but because care work is seen as "non-masculine," preventing them from gaining valuable experience in responsibility and care.
While average personality differences between men and women are small, these subtle shifts in distribution curves lead to huge disparities at the extremes. This statistical reality explains why the vast majority of perpetrators of extreme violence are men, even if most men are not violent.
A study using identical resumes with male and female names found the woman was rated either as less competent or, if her competence was undeniable, as less likable. This shows a pervasive bias against female leaders, held by both men and women.
Contrary to the media focus on public shootings, the most frequent form of mass murder is familicide, where a man kills his wife and children. Occurring roughly every five days in the US, this is a pattern of domestic violence often rooted in patriarchal ideas of ownership.
The common trope in romance fiction where a gruff man is "tamed" by the right woman is a fantasy about being the special person who unlocks his hidden tenderness. In reality, these "red flags" are just red flags, and most women seek kind partners.
Accepting potential biological origins for patriarchy (e.g., men's average size) doesn't morally justify it. The human capacity for reason means we can and should strive for a more equitable society, distinguishing what 'is' from what 'ought to be'.
The rising trend of "look maxing," where young men obsess over specific beauty standards, is a new form of male-on-male competition. It's less about appealing to the female gaze and more about gaining status within male hierarchies.
A man's choice of partner is often a performance to gain social and sexual capital among other men. This is seen when men date only thin, conventionally attractive women publicly, despite porn data showing private attraction to larger women.